thoughts on back to school

We aren't quite back in school yet. But it is looming. I am thinking about it a lot. Dreading it. Welcoming it. Wondering if I will finally be able to get Sadie on a schedule. Worried about all my PTA responsibilities. Concerned about the insane things my state is implementing in the schools. Hoping I can do it all.

Macie would be starting transitional kindergarten. She would have the same teacher Emma had for kindergarten. I wonder how I would feel about that. The teacher was ok for Emma but would not have been for Tyler. I don't know Macie's personality to know if it would be a good match or a bad one. Still, interesting to think about. There are two little girls in the ward who would be her exact age, give or take a week or two. I watch them a lot and just wonder.

Tanner is starting joy school. I am happy to have some "Tanner time" when it is just the two of us for a bit every day. My boys are my emotional ones who seem to need me just a little more.

Emma is in 4th grade. I don't know why this gives me some anxiety. At the same time, I don't really worry about her at all. She knows how to choose good friends. She has been the single biggest blessing to me this summer so I am sad to have her gone. We have had lots of late nights just talking, the two of us, while Spencer is at work and the little kids are sleeping. We have been home for a big chunk of the summer and I am so glad. There hasn't been chaos or craziness, and Emma and I have really gotten to click. I hope we stay that way. I wonder when/if that will start to change. I think it doesn't have to.

Tyler struggled last school year. He wasn't comfortable with his teacher situation (substitutes the whole year). He had a hard time making friends. Luckily that changed for the last third of the year. I wonder if he will be different this year. And if he is the same, I hope I am patient and loving instead of the alternative.

I hope I can give everything I have to my kids. A few of my older friends have told me that younger kids are exhausting physically, and older kids are exhausting emotionally. I feel like I have a toe in each of those stages, and am starting to understand it a little bit. Spencer and I have discussed our "new normal" every couple of years, and how we have to adapt because it's not fleeting and brief but is here to stay. I feel another "new normal" coming on. I wonder what the future holds.

Gotta enjoy the last days with my kids home! It's a long while until Christmas vacation...