October

October is a strange month for me. Historically it is really busy. It is Halloween - perhaps the least sentimental holiday out there. But it's also Macie's birthday.

After not thinking about her a whole lot in what seems like WAY too long, I have thought about her a lot during the last week. I guess I attribute that to General Conference (LOVED several of the talks but 2 in particular), the fact that she would be 3 soon, and the fact that I have had several opportunities to talk about her. I'm glad it's fresh in my mind again. I noticed that the first year after she died was so hard because I was always thinking in terms of "This would be her first Christmas/It's been ___ months since she died/etc." Now that we are past that there are other things that make it hard. Hearing people complain about being pregnant stings a little bit, even though everyone does it. Not thinking about Macie as much makes me feel guilty. It's a different struggle now than it was before. But it's still hard.

SO. In honor of Macie and of my other kids, I will do "mom blog" posts all October long. This is going to be for me, to remind me once again of how much I love what I do, and how happy my kids make me - ALL of them. (I'm writing this as Tanner is screaming in his crib and won't sleep.) All about them. You may find it boring - fair warning.

Happy birth-month, Macie. Here we go...