thoughts on motherhood and on my first-born

Several months ago two cute young women asked a friend of mine and me to answer some of their questions about motherhood for personal progress. The girl's mom had us come over to their house and they took notes as they asked us questions. It was nice to sit there and talk about why we love our kids and what we do, even though sometimes it's really frustrating and even unrewarding.

One of the questions was just perfect for me. What do you wish you'd known before you had kids? I told them that no one told me how wonderful it would be. I felt like I got so many of those comments...you know, the "you'll never sleep again," "your free time is over," and "just be prepared to be tired all the time" comments. But no one told me how much I would fall in love, instantly, and be prepared to do anything for that child (children). Why does no one tell us these things?? Maybe it's just assumed, but I remember being overwhelmed by such feelings the first few weeks of Emma's life, and then again after Tyler was born.

Spencer and I were only married 5 months when I got pregnant with Emma. I had a year left in college and had never planned on having a baby so quickly but really, I just knew it was time. When I found out I was pregnant with this girl, the first thing I did was cry. I was terrified, surprised, and so excited. I remember exactly where I sat on the couch as I waited the 3 minutes to go back into the bathroom. I knew the result without looking. Luckily I was able to finish college in 3 1/2 years, and things worked out perfectly in terms of timing.

(cut me some slack; this was after 20 hours of labor and then a c-section)

(I keep coming back to this post and just staring at this picture. I guess I haven't looked at it in a few years, but I can't take my eyes off Emma and how perfect and beautiful she looks. Macie looked so much like that, and I guess I hadn't realized just how much...)

She has been a gem ever since she made her first appearance. I was, and still am thrilled she was my first-born. She is so responsible, so caring, so motherly. I am SO thankful she isn't a tomboy and enjoys all things girl.

She longs for another sibling, and even though she has a significant preference for girls, she thinks we should have a boy next so that the numbers can be even (2 and 2). Very logical.

It thrills me to see Emma becoming a teacher's pet, something I always worked so hard for when I was in elementary school. I work in her classroom 2 hours a week and have to admit I feel a little pride to see her finish her work first every single day. She is a perfectionist when it comes to her homework (leading to some frustration on my part).

She is independent. She prefers doing things herself, or learning how to do them herself.

She is a fabulous sister. When she is invited to a friend's house, poor Tyler is so sad. It's almost easier for me to just keep them both at home all the time, where they play so well and are such good friends. Tyler often goes into her bed (queen size) at night to "snuggle" with her and "protect" her. She is the first one he would go to in the morning to tell her he was dry. I learned recently that she will scream her guts out to keep him away from creepy strangers.

Sometimes I look at her and wish she could stay with me forever. She told me she's planning to live in the house across the street when she grows up and gets married, and the bigger part of me is hoping she isn't too independent to prevent that from happening.

Emma is happiest with a ream of paper (we're not too "green" around here) and a pen and box of crayons. She turns 30 pages of drawings into "books" and keeps them stashed everywhere. She loves Taylor Swift. I am lucky she was sent to me. I have a feeling we'll have a great relationship as she gets older.

One funny conversation I heard between Emma and Tyler last week:

Emma: "Tyler! I am sick of telling you! Put the toilet seat DOWN when you're done!"
Tyler: "Emma, why don't you put it UP when YOU'RE done?!"

Never a dull moment around here.

Happy Birthday sweet girl.