I am a firm believer that experiences change your perspective. A few months ago, at the viewing of a loved one, Elder Richard G. Scott came over to me and Spencer. We had just lost Macie 5 weeks previous, and he had heard about it. With tears in his eyes he stared right into mine and told me how sorry he was. As we cried together, I knew he was a compassionate man with so much love in his heart, and walked away from that experience wanting to be more like that. Most people wouldn't really look at me or talk to me at that point, not knowing what to say. He knew exactly what to say.
After this weekend, I understand a bit more about where he was coming from. Having lost two children of his own, in addition to his wife more recently, he had the perfect perspective in being the one to talk to me and express his sadness for us. What an incredible man with a huge heart. He has forever touched me. And to think that as a teenager I thought he was monotone and boring. Clearly I have seen the light. I must have been the boring one.
I think I've recently gotten a different/new perspective in a few areas. Tyler may be 3 1/2 but he is still my "baby" and I treasure the fact that he's a momma's boy. It used to drive me nuts but having someone to cuddle and kiss me (and say "I love you" FIVE HUNDRED times a day) totally gets me.
I'm seeing Emma for the wonderful big sister that she is. She gets creative in the ways she chooses to decorate her sister's grave. I love that she always takes a flower (or leaf) from our house, like we're taking part of our home to Macie since she can't physically be here. Yesterday Emma grabbed some of the blooming flowers right in front of our house. When we got there she separated them and went about her decorating. She saved the biggest one, with the thickest stem, to push into the ground right under the headstone. Oh it looks beautiful. It's amazing how great of a big sister she can be not only to Tyler but to a sweet angel she's never met.
I {am trying to} treasure those quiet moments when the kids are in my arms, or when they're asleep, or when they're playing together so nicely. No longer do I try to rush off and get things done. Those are the times I want to be around them most. Life is short and much to un-predictable to not enjoy every minute.
Lastly, I am trying to consider others' perspectives, no matter how skewed they may be. Two months ago, an older lady in my ward came up to me and said, "At least you didn't get to hold her and get to know her before she passed away." That stung, and I came home crying. Of course it was insensitive, but she didn't know what she was saying. If she had my perspective, there is no way she would have said such a thing.
Anyway, I loved Elder Scott's talk this weekend and I am thankful there are many others who know what we've gone through. That helps me to realize that in due time we will be completely healed from it.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Perspective
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14 comments:
Cheri--I love you. As soon as Elder Scott began his talk this weekend, I thought of you. I hoped, desperately, that you were hearing this and being comforted in some small measure.
And I got to brag about you during the special on Elder Wirthlin. "My friend Cheri is Elder Wirthlin's granddaughter-in law. How cool is that?!" :)
I too enjoyed the perspective I get from watching conference. It makes me want to be better. It's interesting to note that under the word "repentance" in the bible dictionary, it says that repentance is a change of view about God, about oneself, and about the world. It's all about perspective, right?
Thank you for your wonderful post. It was very uplifting. I loved Elder Scott's talk as well. I hope everything is going well for you guys. Your children are beautiful. I couldn't agree more about rushing off, it seems I do that way to much. So Thanks for your sweet words.
Abby Ward Larson
What a sweet story you shared. How perfect that Elder Scott was able to bring you comfort not only last fall, but also with his message last weekend. I loved it too and was thinking of your family as I heard his tender message. We love you guys!
Having gone through this experience with you, it has really changed my perspective on how to treat others and what to say (or not say) to those dealing with the same thing. Hindsight is good, but knowing ahead of time how to give true compassionate service is better.
Cheri, your post really touched me. It is amazing that sometimes people really do know what to say and how to show compassion. I have also held my son a million times, given him plenty of kisses and told him I loved him because I realize how precious he is. There really are some great lessons to learn from the hard things that we experience. Now you know how to give compassion to people that experience something similar to what you have gone through. Thanks for the uplifting message!
I'm so grateful to read this today, it seems to be the thing I keep getting reminded about, that I need to treasure the cuddling time with my kiddos. I was surprised to learn that Elder Scott had lost two of his babies--I don't think he's spoken about them before (at least not that I can recall). I hope that when insensitive things come out of my mouth people have the generosity of spirit that you do to give me the benefit of the doubt and trust that I mean well. It makes me want to be more careful with what I say. Thanks for such an uplifting post!
It was so great to sit at the Conference Center this last weekend and hear that talk in person. Amazing the new perspective when you realize someone else knows exactly how you feel. We love you guys!
Elder Scott's talk was my favorite, I was a total mess the whole time and I just adore that man. What a wonderful story, how he came up and met with you! Jordan and I took a living prophets class last semester and we did a project on Elder Scott where we had to read all his talks and addresses from the last 10 years. I was really moved by his and his wife's story, and the fact that he chooses not to get remarried. And in all the talks he's given, he hasn't really talked about his wife's passing, or his children's. So I knew on Saturday what a monumental talk that really was- he wasn't joking when he got emotional before and said he had prepared to talk about this topic, but wasn't sure if he could get through it! I just really adore him and appreciate the wonderful perspective he brought to such a sad topic. Love the Temple- and I'm so glad that talk was wonderful for you!
Wasn't it an amazing talk? How neat you got to meet him and to find out later, so sad. It gives us hope and faith that we can be whole again.
I love you so much! You are such a strong-willed, faithful, and inspirational person. You have been a beacon of hope and light to me and many others as evidenced by all the comments you get! I think about you and your family constantly and always have a prayer in my hearts for you all.
Elder Scott's talk made me cry too, and all I could think about was you and the strength you seem to exude (through your words and testimony).
His talk was one of my favorites. I'm thankful he was willing to open his heart like that and I was able to zone out everything else going on and really listen.
I'm grateful for the times I get time with my kids, with my arms around them. They grow up way too fast!
Again Cheri, you have touched all of our hearts. You have made us think about the things we say and the way we handle other people's grief. I too, thought of you while Elder Scott was speaking. I was thinking of Pamela Brown as well. Two different stories, but both having to let their angels live in heaven, instead of on earth. I am thankful for our perspective on the eternities.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I have not been through loss like you guys have and I learn so much from your attitude and perspective. I need to be more like that-to not rush, to enjoy my beautiful and special children. Thank you again for being open enough to share a little bit of your experiences.
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