a re-post

Yesterday wasn't my favorite day. My adorable 3 year old threw up on and off all day, so I didn't get the preparations for Macie's birthday done. So, before I went to bed (I think I slept 3 hours two nights ago) I decided to read blog archives from when she passed away.

5 years is a long time. Time DOES heal, but it also causes one to forget. I didn't put too many details on this blog, but I wrote pretty much every detail possible in the days and weeks following her death, and for that I am so grateful, as a lot has faded. As much as experiencing great sorrow is something you wouldn't wish on anybody, it has made happy times so much more joyous. I think I started to FEEL a lot more 5 years ago when I was forced to face some really tough emotions. Macie changed me, permanently.

Here is the re-post from October 2008 - one of just two blog posts Spencer has written. And I am so glad he did. It gave me just the boost that I needed. (Here's to hoping for healthy bodies in the coming days...):

 

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Our Blessings

Cheri and I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words during this difficult time. We've been overwhelmed with the love we have felt both from family and friends, but more importantly from our Heavenly Father. Over the past few days, we can't help but think of the many blessings large and small that we have witnessed. The hospital room where we stayed literally became heaven on earth and we are eternally grateful for the choice experiences we had there. There are not enough words to describe nor list all that we are thankful for from wonderful nurses/doctors/volunteers at the hospital to Cheri's Mom dropping everything to come to our aid, to a loving Bishop and Relief Society President who have gone above and beyond, to our wonderful family all over the country pouring out their love and support. The most important blessing we feel thankful for is Macie choosing to be part of our Family. We are honored and humbled by her.

Macie really is our angel. She was so perfect in every way and we know that she will be always be with us. We will be having a graveside service for her on Thursday and although we know that will be a hard day for us, we know that our separation from her will be temporary. A few scriptures/quotes have given us comfort:

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven." (JST, Matthew 19:14)

"The Lord takes away many, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of the world. They are too pure, too lovely, to live on earth. Therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning, we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil and we shall soon have them again." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pp. 196-197).

"...that the mother who laid her little child, being deprived of the privilege and satisfaction of raising it up to manhood or womanhood would, after the resurrection, have all the joy, satisfaction, and pleasure, and even more that it would have been possible to have in mortality, in seeing her child grow to the full measure of the stature of [her] spirit..." (as quoted in Gospel Doctrine, p. 454).

Very fitting for us is that Macie will be buried in a cemetery called "Pioneer Cemetery" and will be with other little angels like herself who went before their families and like Pioneers of old paved the way for others to follow. Our family hopes and prays to live our life worthy to join our precious Macie in the highest degree of Celestial glory.

-Spencer