2

I can't fathom the fact that I should have a sweet little girl turning 2 today.

So, instead of being all sad, I decided to write about Sandy. I don't think I have mentioned on this blog the little "tender mercy" we experienced with regard to her.

But let me start at the beginning. On that warm October day just two years ago was when we met Sandy. She is a baby nurse at the hospital. The charge nurse had come and told her there was a fetal demise and that she needed to go to the operating room. She didn't want to; who would want to?! But she did. I remember when she brought Macie to me after I was in a recovery room. She held her small body with such care and love. She told me her weight and her length and, crying, handed her to me as if she were a squirming, living newborn. Right before I was discharged from the hospital she told me she wanted to see me back there at some point in the future.

Well, 2 weeks before Tanner was born, as I quietly lay in the hospital room during a non-stress test, loving every second of hearing his heartbeat, Sandy walked into the room. I was surprised to see her and she quickly asked if I remembered her. Of course I did!  She started crying (as did I) as she told me how glad she was to see me back. She told me she had been waiting for me to come back and would periodically look for my name in the patient files. We were both excited to find out she would be the baby nurse on call on July 15th, the day of my scheduled c-section.

Then Sandy wanted to talk about Macie. The tears got bigger as she said she remembered that day so clearly. She even told me just last week that she will never forget that day, and that she remembers it like it was yesterday.
She said, "Giving her to you was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But taking her back from you was harder."

Sandy then told me that after we gave Macie back to her that afternoon, she sat down on a chair in another room and cried. She cried that such bad things had to happen to such nice people. I'm sure I would have done the same thing. But Spencer and I were in another room, together, experiencing little miracles, miracles that somehow got us through the trial.

Sandy has become an angel in our lives. I was blessed to have her with me when Tanner was born. She let me lean on her as the spinal was injected into my back. She sat next to me and constantly asked how I was feeling. When Spencer and I heard Tanner's cry we both choked back tears. Tears of relief. Tears of gratitude. Tears that clearly said He's alive. Sandy got him and instantly brought him over to show me before cleaning him off. She made sure I knew he was perfect, to calm my fears. She took him (and Spencer) to the recovery room to wait for me. When I finally got to recovery I got to watch her, once again, hold my precious child with such care. This time it was Tanner that she bathed and handed to me. Once again I was so grateful for her kindness and sensitivity.  I know it helped her to see us come full circle. She will forever have a special place in my heart, as the angel who watched over two of my angels.

So today, we are celebrating the short life of our little daughter/sister. Spencer is taking the day off. We will throw her a bday party, send her some balloons, and all hug each other (and especially little Tanner) a little tighter. What a blessing she is to our family, and to some otherwise complete strangers.