Lucky

We're not really into Valentine's. We do celebrate it but I have threatened Spencer with his life if he ever buys me roses on Valentine's and pays those seriously inflated prices. We've always been really low-key about it - I don't buy into the whole commercialization of love.

Well, Spencer still bought me something pretty amazing. It's been in the works for a while - our first house!! Prices are "low" and the timing is right. The best part - we've lived in the house already! That's also a downside - no one has lived there since we moved out last April and it needs some TLC. We are thrilled and will close in a few weeks. I'm also having mixed feelings about moving out of this house. It's nothing too special and is just a rental but it's also where I've had some of my most sad but peaceful and calming moments. Not quite sure yet if I'm more happy to escape this house once and for all, or if I'm more sad about leaving a place that's become so special and sacred since the loss of Macie. Regardless, I know we were able to buy the house in large part because of our little angel.

So imagine my surprise when, after we'd done the typical We're not doing anything for Valentine's, right?, Spencer managed to surprise me. A few weeks ago I read a heartbreaking article about those who have experienced stillbirth, and this group of photographers who volunteers to come in and photograph babies who have passed away. I wish so badly I had known about this a few months ago; while I got some pictures, they are not high quality and I've spent hours trying to edit them so Macie will look better. I really feel like this is something I should be involved in when it's not so raw for me, so I've been learning about photography as much as I can. I feel like I wouldn't just be a photographer...I'd be someone who has actually been there and could (and would) cry with those poor moms and dads. So, my ever-supportive husband surprised me with a new camera. I'm so excited about it, and only wish I knew how to use it! It's a Nikon and has more buttons and features than any other electronic device I've seen. I am signing up for a photography class in April (once the new house stuff has settled down) and then I'll see what happens. In our defense, we really did need a new camera so this wasn't completely un-prudent.

I wanted to post about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep in case someone YOU know (heaven forbid) could benefit from this someday. I wish I had known about it in October; I just contacted the hospital's representative here and she told me they just now found out about it and have started working with them. I'm glad other moms who are experiencing extreme disappointment and despair will have something beautiful and precious to remember their babies.

Spencer, thanks for buying me a house so we can stop moving (this will be #10 in 6 years!) and stay here with Macie. Thanks for the camera so I can, in the future, help others in a way I would have loved to have been helped.

Here's what part of it looks like. (Yes, we are replacing the front door.)



P.S. I started a photo blog so I have a place to put some of my pictures and scrapbook pages. I'm not even close to being "good" but I think this new hobby will be therapeutic for me.