my oldest

Before I even got pregnant with Emma, I knew we would be having a girl. The doctor surprised us at my first appointment, at 16 weeks, and told us they could already tell and that it was a girl (that part wasn't surprising). I was thrilled. And now I can say what a phenomenal baby she was, especially after having these two boys who weren't/aren't quite so phenomenal...

I am so lucky Emma came first. She is always asking for Tanner after I feed him, so he isn't permanently attached to me like Tyler was. And he loves her! He rarely cries when she's toting him around, even though he'll usually cry when I take him back. Basically Emma is eating up the whole baby thing going on around here, as evidenced by this picture.

(Doesn't he look so happy?)

I love knowing I am raising my own baby-sitter, and a future mother. After Macie died Emma told me she was never having kids, as all she knew or remembered of my childbearing experience was grief, but she has now changed her mind and wants 100. I'll settle for anything in between. I'm glad she's getting to mother this little guy - I think it's therapeutic for her and is also giving her some good practice. And I'm glad she's around for another week before she's in school FULL DAY (yikes).

I love this girl. What a blessing she is to me.

(Helping him play "Go Fish.")

1 month

It's been a fun/stressful/busy month around here.

It's hard to go from having a 6 and 5 year old to throwing a newborn in the mix. The kids are so patient when I tell them they have to wait for things because I'm "feeding the baby." I had forgotten that it can take an hour to feed a newborn.


We traveled to LA for my only sister's wedding (3 weeks post-partum). I cried through the whole thing (and my head cold didn't help). All the wedding events were wonderful. So happy for them.

Spencer has worked more during this time period than ever before. It makes me wonder if we'll ever be able to use his 2 weeks of paid paternity leave...maybe someday things will slow down.

Speaking of Spencer...he has a new calling. So in addition to being alone on weekday evenings with the kids right now, I'm also alone on Sundays. Blessings, right?

Tanner has taken after his older siblings: not great nappers but pretty good night sleepers. I definitely prefer that, but sometimes during the day I wonder if it's worth it. (Don't let the yawn fool you.)


I start to feel great, then do "too much" (which is really nothing at all) and pay for it the next day. Incision is still sore.

Tanner has smiled at me - a real smile - 3 times now.

And, I finally got some newborn pictures of him. It took me until he was 4 weeks old but at least it's something.

5

5 years ago, at 12:01 pm, I birthed this handsome redhead.

He still is a handsome redhead. I sure love this boy.

I also love that we can now stop talking about his birthday for a few months.

Happy Birthday buddy.

swaddling

I'm not a natural at this baby stuff. It takes me a few weeks to figure things out after having a baby. It took me until THIS baby to really "get" the swaddling thing. Emma never needed it (she was such a good, content baby), and Tyler was a belly sleeper. Then there's Tanner. I tried swaddling him a few times with some really big blankets. But the kid LOVES his hands. In fact, he was born with his hands next to his face, holding on to the umbilical cord. And he loves to touch his face and even hold his pacifier in with his hand. So...he can get out of all blanket swaddling, and could even in the hospital.

My wonderful sister in law (she must be psychic) sent me this "Swaddle Me" blanket sleeper. Spencer lovingly refers to it as Tanner's straightjacket. It has strong velcro in 3 places that keeps his hands in and keeps him from waking himself up with his hands.

The only problem is when he pees through his clothes, gets it wet during the night, and then I am left wondering what to do at 2 a.m. Maybe I need to buy a back-up.

Our "helpers" have all left and we're back to doing this parenting thing by ourselves. How grateful I am for parents and in-laws who took the time to come out and take care of me and the kids!

the evolution of me + tanner

I'm glad I documented this pregnancy well because it was probably my last. I get teary whenever I think that, but with the things my body went through my doctor thinks we should be done. Part of me - a very small part - misses having him inside me and having that bond that only the two of us could experience.

Anyway, I am loving that this handsome little guy is now a week old. It's been an interesting week. I never really "got" the whole newborns just sleep and eat thing - Emma and Tyler were awake a lot and had to be entertained from the beginning. Tanner is showing me that he can be a real newborn, sleepy and all. He is so darling and we consider it a treat when we get to see him with his eyes open. I'm soaking up this newborn thing, because I don't want to forget just how precious this time is.

I feel so privileged that I got another chance to be a mother, and I'm so grateful to Spencer for being so full of faith. He had to give me lots of blessings throughout this pregnancy and always promised me that this baby would be ok. It sure was a rollercoaster ride and I consider myself the luckiest girl around right now. (I am also lucky because I've had my mom here this week - there is nothing quite like having your mom there when you need her...too bad the week is almost over.)

tanner

Well, "baby week" turned out to be a little more dramatic than anticipated, starting with a failed amnio (two, actually) throwing a c-section in there and a heck of a lot of scar tissue (resulting in a ruptured bladder), and ending with me being the not-so-proud owner of a catheter bag that is basically attached to me for another week.

BUT, there is a new man in my life and I am completely smitten. He was finally born on Thursday, July 15th at 7 lbs 5 oz. There was a split second in the operating room when Spencer and I heard him cry and we shared a quick glance that I know expressed some incredible relief, as well as a tear or two, before he was swept off to be cleaned up. I wonder what those last final minutes were like for him before he was born. I know they were emotional for me. I know he's been well taken care of.

He is so sweet, loves to be held, and reminds me a lot of his older brother. The kids adore him, and I finally made it home from the hospital today so we are all together again. There is something so special in the home when there's a new baby. I don't think much can come closer to heaven.

I hope I can recover quickly, because it's summer and I have stuff I want to do! For now, I'm off to hold this little guy some more.