january blah

January is cold and bleak, and I am doing all I can to keep myself from feeling the same. Having a baby really is hard stuff. I spend almost every minute feeding Sadie, trying to keep her happy, or trying to get her to sleep...just to have her only sleep for 15 minutes. She hates the car seat, so driving more than a few minutes is unbearable for all of us. Figuring out a baby is a fluid thing; once I "get" her, everything is different.

BUT. Honestly, what is sweeter than a baby's big toothless grin? Sadie is a good smiler during those precious few minutes when she is happy. She now loves to look at herself in the mirror. As much as I don't want her to grow up, I can't wait until she is happy and awake for longer periods of time so I can maybe get a few things done again. Knowing that this is my last chance to mother a newborn gets me through.

This incredible lady I know asked to photograph Sadie for a photography class. I put her in this dress for one reason...Emma wore it for her first portraits. The pictures are sweet, and while it is clear I was not planning on taking part, I still had to let Judy include me in a few. Tanner was a good subject as well. I am so glad I have this documented (9 weeks old).

More than halfway through the month!

christmas vacation part 2

Spencer had been talking about taking the kids sledding for several weeks. With the recent rainstorms we had, we knew that there would be tons of snow if we got high enough. He wisely (?) decided that if we took the motorhome he could convince me to go, and I wouldn't really have an excuse to say no.

We went with another family of 6 in the motorhome, and 3 other families we're friends with drove up and met us. It was gorgeous! The trees were so heavy with snow...

but the sun was out and it was "warm." I took Sadie out for a while, and walked around and took some pictures. Then we made lunch and had hot chocolate in the motorhome and several people went sledding again.

Spencer is notorious for having his tongue out when doing anything remotely exhilarating. Seriously. A couple kids (Sadie mostly) take after him.

Poor Tanner would get sprayed right in the face with snow when he sledded. After he had enough of this

he started doing this. He is in there somewhere.

 

And then he was DONE. Just like that.

Rochelle had him in the very beginning before it slowly went downhill (ha ha)...

The other two were little animals and went again and again with their friends.

The drive home was brutal with 8 semi-grumpy, hungry, exhausted children. But worth the memories! I got my fill of the cold; I'm ready for 80 degrees again.

christmas vacation part 1

Since we were away for Thanksgiving and had nowhere to go for Christmas, we knew we had to do more than just stay home the whole 2 weeks.

Back when we went on our cruise in April/May, we booked through priceline and still had a free hotel night to use before the end of the year. We chose to go to Monterey on Christmas night, stay over, and go to the aquarium the next day. We knew that leaving the afternoon of Christmas would be wise, as we would all have cabin fever by then.

Christmas morning was just how I like it. I secretly want to still get up at 5 - I have that little kid excitement inside of me. We heard the kids whispering in the hallway outside our room at 6:15 so we got up since Sadie was still asleep. Our little Christmas miracle was that Sadie slept in until 7:45! So we got to enjoy presents with the 3 older ones. There is nothing quite like Christmas morning. I want to keep an image of Tyler's excited face in my mind forever...

By noon we all needed to get out. We surprised the kids with our plans and headed out. Instead of stopping in Monterey, we decided to drive for a bit on Hwy 1. Not many little people in the car were thrilled with that decision, but it was gorgeous. Someday we will drive more of it, perhaps when the littles are no longer little.

The hotel wasn't super great, THREE of our kids snored loudly, and I think 6 people just doesn't work for 1 hotel room anymore. We needed to get dinner that night (Christmas) and seeing that most places were closed we headed to Denny's. It was strange and s-l-o-w, not so yummy, we felt a little out of place, and we finally just had to laugh. We didn't sleep much that night. The next day we got to the aquarium early and after 3 hours we had seen absolutely everything. Spencer said the kids are like me - we keep moving constantly through museums and the like. :) That being said, this aquarium is amazing.

Fun/crazy little getaway.

angel

After Tanner was born and I was supposed to be done having kids, I never really felt 100% DONE. I wanted to feel that way, so there was a slight chance in my mind that we would have another. As time went on it seemed to get harder and harder to think of having another. Three is a lot of kids, right? Especially nowadays... It felt like a lot to me, at the time.

But then I would think of my future self, and my future family. Well, my current family--in the future. I would picture us 15-20 years from now, and picture the kids coming for Christmas. And three just didn't seem like enough then. That little thought bothered me, that three wasn't "it" for us because I felt like there should be one more coming to visit us - me and Spencer - when we are empty nesters someday.

Now that Sadie is here, it just fits. Everything feels as it should. She adds to the family, balances it, and completes it.

This little angel was blessed today. Last night I told Spencer this is the last baby he will be blessing. It is a little bit sad to think about it like that. He did a great job. He doesn't get frazzled like I do when she fusses. And this one fusses a lot.

 

Four years ago we had bought this same dress to bless Macie in. It became her burial dress. How fitting that I got to dress Sadie in the same dress I never got to put Macie in. I was a little emotional about that all weekend. She had her dad, grandpa, uncle, and cousin (second cousin once removed? something like that) hold her and bless her and encourage her to do the great things she is destined to do. Spencer talked about how she is named after 2 great-grandmas. Emma wore her white baptism dress to match her - 2 of my 3 little angel girls.

I love this sweet little baby. She is that final little piece to our family puzzle.

settling in

Sure enough, a certain amount of chaos ensues with the addition of each new child. And...it all becomes manageable with time. For me, being in a lot of pain doesn't mix well with having a new baby, and having 3 others to take care of just adds to the madness. I am so grateful that after 4 weeks I am finally feeling discomfort and soreness, and no more pain. It is a nice feeling to only take Motrin when necessary, and to steer clear from the heavy Vicodin. I've been asked a few times what it's like "with 4 kids." It's hard, for sure, but I think the adjustment from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me.

I still have my moments when I wonder why this is so much harder this time. It's not really, but emotions are heightened and a lack of sleep causes thoughts to go extreme. Then again, having Spencer gone for 5 days after the baby was just 3 weeks old was tricky. I was never so happy to see him asleep in the bed as I was at 2 or 3 a.m. that one night after he had finally arrived home.

I hate being up all night, or even for half the night, but this time I am reminding myself this is the last time I will be doing this. And really, hanging out with a cute baby - just the two of us - in the middle of the night is such a sweet time. Spencer and I have been talking a lot about how we need to enjoy each stage of life, no matter how hard. The words to that country song keep going through my head... "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...." I am super bi-polar and feel this at the same time as wishing the time would speed up. But more than wishing it would hurry up, I am really enjoying it. Which, perhaps, is why Sadie is such a bad sleeper...I'm not pushing her to be better, and I'm babying her. And holding her all night does my heart good, though it sure is turning me into a zombie.

Sadie is starting to stare into my eyes and will occasionally smile. Oh happy day when they finally show you a little bit of appreciation!  It helps that she is so cute and cuddly. Tyler is my one child who hasn't been interested in Sadie much - it just isn't his personality. Well, that all changed when he looked down at her last week and she was grinning up at him. Now he is totally wrapped around her finger. She is sweet and I have a feeling will fit the description of the spoiled little sister perfectly.

So, after almost 5 weeks we are all finding our feet and getting comfortable. My life might revolve around 3-hour time segments for a few more months, but adapting isn't too bad. Even Tanner is learning how to wait 20 minutes for something if he needs to.

stockings

My grandma is incredible; she has made personalized stockings for all of her kids and grandkids. I loved mine so much, and she knew it, so my husband and kids have these as well. I treasure them more than almost anything else, and love every Christmas when we get to pull them out. (This year we have a beautiful place to hang them; more on that later.)

Last week a package came from my grandma, and I was giddy as I opened it up. Sure enough, all 6 of us now have these. Mine is older and faded. Ironically, this same grandma's own grandma was nicknamed Sadie (her name was Sarah) - I had no idea when we named her, but it makes me all the more glad that we named her that. I've always felt really close to my grandma, and even more so now.

I decided to put my teeny little girl inside her new stocking, because I could, and got some really cute pictures of her. What a nice way to pass some time while I'm trapped inside. And, I think she is pretty adorable.