eight years

Eight! We lost Macie 8 years ago. That is such a significant number in our church, and maybe that's why it seems like we suddenly made a huge jump.

Spencer told me a month ago he had to be in Mexico City during her birthday - lame, as it's the first time he hasn't been here for her birthday - but ok, because I'm far enough removed that I knew I could handle it.

I dropped Sadie off at preschool and went shopping. But I really didn't want to be alone! I LOVE to be alone, and I get that now for several hours a week. I think the idea of being an introvert 15 years ago would have made me crazy/anxious but now I can embrace it. However, yesterday was also the first time I was alone on her birthday and it made me feel...weird. Luckily, I have such fantastic friends who texted me early (how do they know/remember??!) and stopped by with treats and hugs and chatting. It was such a huge blessing to me, and pretty soon I got to get Sadie. We stopped by Walmart to her 8 pink balloons. Side note: How do people fit more than 12-ish balloons in their car? I'm realizing I'm starting to run out of room...

Danielle brought all the cupcakes and frosting and sprinkles, so the kids decorated those. Then we went out and got some pictures and sent the balloons up. This time was awesome because there were so many and they went up pretty fast without getting stuck in the trees. We also painted a M on a pumpkin and, as a new tradition, added painted rocks with year numbers to the bottom of her tree.

I didn't even get to talk to Spencer until 10 pm last night. He had been so busy all day and hadn't gotten to think about it much, talk to me, or look on Instagram or Facebook. When he did, and saw all the love and caring from our friends and family, he told me he just broke down. I told him he's not allowed to be gone on this day anymore - it's something we need to do together.

So thankful for October 25th! (By the way, it makes me feel weird every time I see leaves start changing, and especially red-leaf trees. That is one of my strongest visual memories of her death.)