the glorification of busy

I have been very aware lately of the concept of "busy." I am frankly tired of saying I am busy when someone asks how I'm doing, and I am even more tired of feeling that way.

About a month ago, with this Read-a-Thon at school looming, baseball starting, a baby who likes to be held ALL.DAY.LONG, callings, and Spencer in his crazy season at work, I decided to eliminate one part of my life that is somewhat important to me but not necessary. What a difference that made. I didn't have that hanging over me...a great thing since I had so much else hanging over me. I knew this elimination would be temporary, as the craziness right now is just temporary. It taught me, though, how much I prefer to have things to do but to not feel overwhelmed. And it's suddenly easier to feel like I'm on top of things. Just by removing one thing for a few weeks I had that great reminder.

I can think of a few times when Tanner has sweetly asked me for something and I said, "Nope. I'm too busy." Then when he later asks me for something, he will say "Mom, are you too busy?" Dagger to the heart. Or how Emma will sometimes say, "Mom, when you're not busy, will you ______?" Ahh, that just hurts. But it has also opened my eyes. Maybe I can't do what they want/get what they want right away, but I'd rather have them assume that I can and not that I can't.

So so so many times the LDS catch phrases of "What Matters Most" and "Good, Better, Best" have been in my head. Of course right now I am a mom to a bunch of little people, and I chose this. I chose them. I need to make sure they get my full attention. If I can't do that, then what is my purpose?? And while I don't feel like I glorify the idea of being busy, it sometimes gives me one more thing to whine about. And I definitely don't need or want one more thing to whine about. And I don't want the less important things to keep me from what is the most important.

Instead of finding things to complain about, and making myself crazy in the process, I want to be happier and more easy-going. And I will do that by staying as far away from busy as possible (after read-a-thon is over on Friday night). Wish me luck!

snippets

I am seriously considering turning this blog private, allowing access to no one, and only "blogging" for myself, to print out into books. I have done this 3 times, printing two years' worth of posts each time, and I love love love having that. My kids read them all the time. I just don't really see the point anymore of the world having access to it. I go back and forth...

But for now, I'm just going to post some snippets of our lives. Perhaps the most open-book post in a while, and maybe the last? For anyone who cares, but mostly for me...someday...to remember.

I am busy with 4 kids, a husband who works a lot, and a great calling at church. I have either been in YW or in Primary in the 10 years I've been married, and I love it. I do look forward to being in Relief Society someday though. I am learning how to get a lot done, or at least the necessary things done, during one of Sadie's four 45-minute naps a day. This is the first year I'm not volunteering in the kids' classes regularly, which I sorta feel guilty about, but not too much. My friend and I are putting on the Read-a-thon and Family Reading Night in two weeks, which is a lot of work and is kinda stressful, but it is SUCH a great event and now that we have done it before (last year) we feel a little more comfortable. I often reminisce about how life was "easy" and simple with just one (or two) kids. But not nearly as fulfilling and exciting.

Spencer barely has time to breathe but he still manages to do everything so well. He is the high counselor over missionary work, and as our mission is the pilot area for lots of things the church is testing out, he has a bunch going on. He gives lots of talks and goes to lots of meetings, and still makes it home most of the time for me to go to YW on Tuesday nights. He loves to take the kids out for frozen yogurt. If he ever works fewer than 65 hours a week it is a miracle. Other than all the time he spends there he really does like his job. He is always planning motorhome trips.

Baseball is starting up again. Baseball season is long, and our league is serious and competitive. Tyler eats it all up, so the rest of us try to as well. This is the first year he doesn't have a buddy on his team. He is really FINALLY starting to get into reading. I love finding his nose in a book every time I turn around, which I'm used to with Emma. He's sensitive...and we are working on that.

Emma is my right-hand lady and she knows it. She adores Tanner, which is really great for me, but isn't as eager to help with Sadie. I find that interesting and curious. She isn't thrilled she now shares a room with a baby, especially because she would stay up until midnight reading if she could. She now uses a flashlight when I bring Sadie in and turn off the lights (sigh). She is always asking me to fly her to Phoenix to play with her baby cousins.

Tanner talks so much and so well that I often feel like I'm dealing with and trying to reason with a 5 year old. He is cute and funny. He is finally sleeping through the night consistently, but is always trying to get out of his naps. He is in a once-a-week playgroup...something we are both thankful for. He is pretty easy at this point. I am contemplating potty training in the next couple of months but he keeps resisting and telling me why he should stay in diapers (yet another reason to get him out of them).

Sadie is sweet but feisty at the same time. She will grin and giggle and then scream at you a few seconds later. She is a pretty good sleeper, usually going for a 6-7 hour stretch before eating and then sleeping again until about 6:30 or 7. She absolutely hates the car, and I have had to get creative with how we get to all the places we need to without her going ballistic. She likes to be held and she likes attention...yes, she is definitely one of my babies (they were all that way). She and Tyler seem to just "get" each other. Oh, and she loves Tanner.

I'm constantly daydreaming and planning house projects and exotic vacations. I am good at multi-tasking while nursing. I used to be an awesome budget-er, but that has slipped. I still hate doing the laundry, but now my kids help a lot so as long as I cycle it through it gets sorted and put away. I love that I have two blue-eyed and two brown-eyed kids and that they all look different. Life is busy but it is good and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My cute baby:

nine

Nine years ago became my Mother's Day. It was when I fully realized how lucky I am to be a woman, and how very lucky I was to become a mom.

Can I tell you about one of the many reasons Emma is so special? She has the sweetest, most tender heart of anyone I know. Here is an example, which was told to me by a woman in our ward. At church two days after the Sandy Hook shooting, the primary president was talking about Jesus' death and how it was dark and lonely. She asked the kids how that must have felt--that darkness and sadness. Emma leaned over to this woman and quietly said, "It was probably like what the parents of those kids in Connecticut felt." So thoughtful, that girl.

Emma got to have a birthday party this year. She is waaaay into music, and Taylor Swift is probably her favorite. So, as hard as it was to do a Taylor Swift theme, that is just what we did.

6 friends could come, 4 from church/school and 2 from school. They did freeze dance, musical chairs, and pin the guitar on Taylor Swift (I am clearly winning art awards...).

These edible image cupcake toppers were cute but most of  the girls peeled them off rather than eat them. Probably a wise choice.

Today is a Sunday AND it was Stake Conference (double whammy) but she didn't seem to mind too much. I'm so lucky to have this girl - she is the best helper I could ask for. She wanted pizookie's for her birthday dessert so that is exactly what we had (she and Tyler shared this one).

I love that Emma is so confident, genuine and smart. She is my pride and joy.