angel

After Tanner was born and I was supposed to be done having kids, I never really felt 100% DONE. I wanted to feel that way, so there was a slight chance in my mind that we would have another. As time went on it seemed to get harder and harder to think of having another. Three is a lot of kids, right? Especially nowadays... It felt like a lot to me, at the time.

But then I would think of my future self, and my future family. Well, my current family--in the future. I would picture us 15-20 years from now, and picture the kids coming for Christmas. And three just didn't seem like enough then. That little thought bothered me, that three wasn't "it" for us because I felt like there should be one more coming to visit us - me and Spencer - when we are empty nesters someday.

Now that Sadie is here, it just fits. Everything feels as it should. She adds to the family, balances it, and completes it.

This little angel was blessed today. Last night I told Spencer this is the last baby he will be blessing. It is a little bit sad to think about it like that. He did a great job. He doesn't get frazzled like I do when she fusses. And this one fusses a lot.

 

Four years ago we had bought this same dress to bless Macie in. It became her burial dress. How fitting that I got to dress Sadie in the same dress I never got to put Macie in. I was a little emotional about that all weekend. She had her dad, grandpa, uncle, and cousin (second cousin once removed? something like that) hold her and bless her and encourage her to do the great things she is destined to do. Spencer talked about how she is named after 2 great-grandmas. Emma wore her white baptism dress to match her - 2 of my 3 little angel girls.

I love this sweet little baby. She is that final little piece to our family puzzle.

settling in

Sure enough, a certain amount of chaos ensues with the addition of each new child. And...it all becomes manageable with time. For me, being in a lot of pain doesn't mix well with having a new baby, and having 3 others to take care of just adds to the madness. I am so grateful that after 4 weeks I am finally feeling discomfort and soreness, and no more pain. It is a nice feeling to only take Motrin when necessary, and to steer clear from the heavy Vicodin. I've been asked a few times what it's like "with 4 kids." It's hard, for sure, but I think the adjustment from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me.

I still have my moments when I wonder why this is so much harder this time. It's not really, but emotions are heightened and a lack of sleep causes thoughts to go extreme. Then again, having Spencer gone for 5 days after the baby was just 3 weeks old was tricky. I was never so happy to see him asleep in the bed as I was at 2 or 3 a.m. that one night after he had finally arrived home.

I hate being up all night, or even for half the night, but this time I am reminding myself this is the last time I will be doing this. And really, hanging out with a cute baby - just the two of us - in the middle of the night is such a sweet time. Spencer and I have been talking a lot about how we need to enjoy each stage of life, no matter how hard. The words to that country song keep going through my head... "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...." I am super bi-polar and feel this at the same time as wishing the time would speed up. But more than wishing it would hurry up, I am really enjoying it. Which, perhaps, is why Sadie is such a bad sleeper...I'm not pushing her to be better, and I'm babying her. And holding her all night does my heart good, though it sure is turning me into a zombie.

Sadie is starting to stare into my eyes and will occasionally smile. Oh happy day when they finally show you a little bit of appreciation!  It helps that she is so cute and cuddly. Tyler is my one child who hasn't been interested in Sadie much - it just isn't his personality. Well, that all changed when he looked down at her last week and she was grinning up at him. Now he is totally wrapped around her finger. She is sweet and I have a feeling will fit the description of the spoiled little sister perfectly.

So, after almost 5 weeks we are all finding our feet and getting comfortable. My life might revolve around 3-hour time segments for a few more months, but adapting isn't too bad. Even Tanner is learning how to wait 20 minutes for something if he needs to.

stockings

My grandma is incredible; she has made personalized stockings for all of her kids and grandkids. I loved mine so much, and she knew it, so my husband and kids have these as well. I treasure them more than almost anything else, and love every Christmas when we get to pull them out. (This year we have a beautiful place to hang them; more on that later.)

Last week a package came from my grandma, and I was giddy as I opened it up. Sure enough, all 6 of us now have these. Mine is older and faded. Ironically, this same grandma's own grandma was nicknamed Sadie (her name was Sarah) - I had no idea when we named her, but it makes me all the more glad that we named her that. I've always felt really close to my grandma, and even more so now.

I decided to put my teeny little girl inside her new stocking, because I could, and got some really cute pictures of her. What a nice way to pass some time while I'm trapped inside. And, I think she is pretty adorable.