Recently, a friend told me that she thinks how we are when we're pregnant is how we'll be when we're old. I have thought a lot about this, and I have mixed feelings about this theory. If when I'm old I can feel how I felt with my first three pregnancies, I'll take it. If I have to feel how I've felt this time, no thank you.
Before we lost Macie I had put together a blog post (and thank goodness never published it) on the things I would NOT miss about being pregnant. It was deleted soon after, but I'm pretty sure it included something about my crazy appetite, having swollen feet, getting lots of stares, getting lots of comments on how big/small I am, etc.
Funny enough, for the 15 months after that, I would have given my left arm for any and all of those things again.
And now, I am back to the "oh yeah..." stage where it starts to get a little old. Maybe I'm just getting "old" but I've definitely found more to whine about this time. However, this baby's movements are someting I am thankful for every single day. Those I don't complain about. Spencer is constantly asking me if I've felt him move lately, so I'm always grabbing his hand to put on my belly so HE can feel a snippet of what I'm feeling. As much as all the testing and ultrasounds are getting a little old, I love hearing how big he is, seeing where exactly his body is inside of mine. I love knowing that the movements on my right side are his feet and hands, and the movements on my left side are his bum and sometimes his hands and knees. My twice-weekly non-stress tests at the hospital reassure me that everything can actually be ok this time. I love lying there, listening to his heartbeat on the monitor. I keep the TV off and enjoy the peace and quiet. His movements (inside of me) I will miss.
Oh, but since I'm keeping it real there are still so many things I am happy to be relieved of:
*Having a hard time bending over, or getting up from sitting on the floor.
*How it's hard to give myself a pedicure.
*Being ravenous all the time, especially at night. (Luckily, this ends for me the second that baby is out.)
*Being sore.
*Using the restroom about 3 times as much as usual.
*Telling my kids I'm too tired/it's too hot to go to the park.
*Having to pay such close attention to movement, and worrying constantly about this baby. The stress is a lot more than I thought it would be.
*Gaining a lot of weight (luckily it hasn't been hard to get rid of yet but who knows, this IS my 4th...)
*Having red, itchy, dry eyes (weird side effect for me).
So, this week I bought a new swimsuit (NON maternity; I am excited to wear it!).
The kids made a countdown chain to their little brother's birth.
All the clothes are washed and put away. I have WAY more girl clothes than boy clothes, by the way...
But, the bedrooms are NOT ready. In fact, there are 3 or 4 dolls sleeping in the crib. I haven't had the heart to evict them yet. I guess I don't need to.
I hope we can figure out a name for this guy.
And, I hope I remember how to diaper a baby.
Friday, July 9, 2010
oh yeah
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6 comments:
I totally understand the just lying there, listening to the heartbeats on the monitor thing. I went into the hospital because I thought my water broke (it didn't hehe) but for the hour and a half I was there, I just lay in bed, listening, with no tv. It was so calming.
My list of things I won't miss would include most of the things on yours, but I would add heartburn to mine. It's been such a nuisance, especially when you're already watching what you eat and it adds that many more restrictions to diet. Boo, heartburn!
Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy!
Cheri I'm so excited for you. I can in away know you feel about being pregnant again after a loss, however they were different. I am so sorry for the loss of Maci, but sooo excited for this new little guy to come. I think your almost there right? I hope and pray all goes well, what a blessing he will be to your family. It really is amazing to have a live baby after a stillbirth, the emotions are incredible and the spirit is amazing. Good luck I can't wait and will be thinking about you and praying it all goes well.
I felt with this last pregnancy with Griffin that if I complained about being pregnant or the pains that people would think I wasn't grateful to be pregnant again. Yet I was ever so grateful but still not loving the heartburn, peeing every hour, and weight gain. I'm only human after all.
I used to dream about running when I was pregnant... do you?
I also had weekly non-stress tests, twice for the last 2 months and I completely know those very feelings you are experiencing. I'm pretty sure it's a feeling I will always carry with each pregnancy. Hang in there!
Loved hearing your pregnancy thoughts, Cheri. I'm so excited that July is here--which means your little boy will be here soon!!
I hear ya on trying to figure out the baby's name. It's so hard! Good luck as the days draw nearer. We are SO excited for you guys. Please continue to keep us posted.
xoxoxo
I was just reading your blog post, then I checked my email and got word that you had your baby today! Congrats! With my little guy only being 6 weeks old I really enjoyed reading your blog....it was definately harder for my 4th pregnancy as well. Good luck! Can't wait to see pictures!
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