I know everyone loves the fall. I like the colors...even the trying-to-be New England colors we get here, but I HATE to be cold. Add in the fact that my built-in heater is gone (pregnancy) and I'm shivering to death if it's less than 74 in my house. I sense an expensive gas/electric bill this winter. However, I am excited for Thanksgiving (in my own house!) and for the excitement of Christmas. The kids and I laid in my bed together today, trying to remember all the Christmas songs that it feels like we haven't sung in years. We plan to decorate in red and green this weekend (I know I'm treating Thanksgiving unfairly but I love to celebrate Christmas for at LEAST 6 weeks) so we can really get into the holiday spirit.
I am so glad I got my Christmas shopping (well, just the kids') done by mid-October so I can sit back and just watch the mayhem. Of course I'll still have to participate somehow in "Black Friday" shopping...but maybe it will be more for fun and not for crazy deals. We're also scheduling in all the primary parties, ward activities, and other Christmas parties. It's going to be a busy December!!
And here are some some random thoughts from my unorganized brain:
- I just got a card from a friend and I loved what she said: "I don't know why the Lord has given you this trial..." Hmm, I wouldn't normally consider a trial something that is "given." That got me to thinking how incredibly grateful I am that He waited to give me this trial until after blessing me with two beautiful and healthy kids. Those little stinkers sure are keeping me busy and distracted. What a blessing indeed!
- Last week was rough. On Thursday (the date originally scheduled for Macie to arrive) I did a lot of crying. That afternoon we did something no one our age should have to do - we ordered a headstone. It makes my heart ache to even think about it, but it will look so nice when it's done and we hope she will be proud.
- Spencer goes back to work full-time tomorrow. Last week he did a lot of "working from home" (seriously, if anyone knows how to really make this work...let me know) and had a lot of half days. I had wonderful friends who came over so I wouldn't be alone during those times. But my mom comes tomorrow, for the week, and there's just no comparing friends to a mom, especially when I'm not feeling great and need to cry.
- Today I realized just how sad the last two weeks have made my sweet Emma. She did miss out on having a (earthly) sister, after all. I vowed today to let her grieve also - this isn't just about me and Spencer and I feel such pain that she has to go through this, especially since her simple and innocent mind doesn't understand why it had to happen and why Macie can't be with us right now. She and I did a lot of talking and crying together. We are both sad about all the new baby clothes that are now boxed up and put away, especially the ones we bought two sets of (baby size and Emma size) so they could match. We'll just have to hope for another baby girl someday to wear all that cute stuff.
- Emma gave her very first talk in Primary today. I helped her work on it last night and then Spencer came home to get me and take me back to church (middle exercises) so I could hear it. She did a wonderful job and looked so cute in her purple velvet dress and frilly socks. I know she was glad I was there - she always asks if my tummy is still sore (it is) and she's so concerned about how I'm feeling. But, I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
12 comments:
I hope you don't get too cold. You have your hot chocolate, though! I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Enjoy having your mom around for a while! She's a wonderful woman!
I was thinking about Emma's feelings a lot while we were there, how she will remember this and somehow need to work it out too. I'm glad you have each other! And I'm really glad your mom is close and will be there. I still need my mom all of the time! :o)
We love you guys!!
Thank you for sharing some of these hard thoughts with us. I hope, though that you don't feel you need to satisfy curiosity. It is enough to know that you and your family are hurting and need our love, prayers and support. We love you!
The Krucheks
I guess I need to learn not to read your blog in a public place for a while. I'm trying really hard not to cry thinking about some of the things you wrote. You truly amaze me with your strength Cheri. I hope I never have to be that strong.
Cheri, you are a strong person and amaze me as well. I am glad that you and Emma were able to talk about sweet Macie. Emma is such a sweet little girl and I can only imagine how sad this is on her too. I know how much she wanted a sister. So glad that your Mom is there too...there isn't anything better than a Mom. That is what you will be to Emma and that relationship has already begun!
I love you Cheri! You are so awesome! Gotta love moms! They always know how to make your day. I'm always more of a baby when my mom's around! :)
I loved your random thoughts, Cheri. Straight from the heart. I didn't realize that your mom wasn't in town already. For some reason I thought she would be there right after your sister Carly left. What a blessing for her to be able to come back for a visit.
We've been thinking of Emma a lot too. Glad to know that you are both taking time to heal. I can only imagine what her little brain is trying to sort through right now. You all are still in our prayers.
And by the way, I think red and green definitely compliment the Thanksgiving colors. We've already busted out the Christmas CDs, and I think we might be driving our neighbors nuts! Technically, Thanksgiving is late this year, so I say we all should go for it. My Tyler even wants to put up our tree this weekend - that may be going too far for me... but we'll see.
Take care. I can't wait to see you guys again.
cheri,
it sounds like y'all are all doing great. i know how hard it is to loose a baby very early on, and can't imagine how it is this late in the pregnancy. we are thinking and praying for all of you! emma is obviously strong too! i'm sure she's glad she has you! telling her had to be hard, but they are definitely resilient!
i say bring on the christmas decor! i always thought that thanksgiving just got in the way...yes, be thankful, but it's just too close for chrsitmas! besides, if walmart and target are decked out for christmas and playing christmas music on halloween day, then it makes the middle of november not seem so early! if all my christmas stuff wasn't 4 hours away...it would be out too. i guess we will just have to wait until thanksgiving to start decorating...
Hey Cheri,
I am in town visiting my mom until friday and I wanted to know if I could come visit you. Give me a call if you get this 585-429-0018
You would think we wouldn't mind the winter in California after living in Utah, but I definitely agree with your dislike of the cold!
p.s. Emma is so sweet. Kristin and I decided she is going to be a major babe when she grows up, so watch out for that!
Cheri, this is the first I am hearing about your loss and my soul is sad for your family. I am so sorry you and your family are going thru this. A few weeks ago your mom e-mailed me and said to go to your blog things got busy and I never did, now I feel horrible. Your faith is amazing Cheri we love you and I will be thinking of you..... Heidi Aloi
I love you so much! I am so grateful for good mothers. I remember needing my mother, even when I was a mother. She knew what it was like to need a mother, but not have one available. Her mother was died at the age of 22 and couldn't reach out to her, so my mom has always tried to be there for us. I am grateful for compassionate moms!
We have always known that Emma has a wonderful, soft spirit. She is the glue to your scrapbook of life. I believe that there is a reason that several places in the scriptures that we read of mother pondering or thinking on the words of their children: "... but his mother kept all these saying in her heart" (Luke 2:51).
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