20 days

I am giddy, and I am annoyed. In just 20 days my kids will be done with school for the summer (hooray for ALL of us), but this is our shortest summer yet as school starts a week earlier in the "fall" (it's really still summer), and we get out so late this year. I feel jipped already. BUT! Having the big kids home makes life so much more fun and easy.

And while I am thrilled by the idea of having them home, I have some things I am rushing to get done before that last bell so that I can enjoy this summer and the crazy, fun things we have planned.

*I have wanted some cool-looking vintage suitcases for a while. Why? I don't really know. Maybe to use ONCE in a photo shoot. After that there are no guarantees. Emma and I were driving to a baby shower a couple weeks ago and I saw some ugly vintage-y black suitcases (?) outside someone's house that said "free" so I slammed on the brakes and made Emma grab them (I am pretty sure my mom would be so proud). They are still sitting, dirty, in my garage. I have grand ideas of how to make them look like this... so I should get on that pronto.

*I want to paint something! Because I am not in the position to take on a bedroom or other "big" room, I am thinking of doing one of the smaller bookshelves. I even have the spray paint. Now to find the time and energy to make it happen. (Painting one of the chocolate brown ones turquoise...)

*Exercise! This might actually get easier once my kids are home. I have grand intentions of running a few miles a couple times a week. Then I'm up half the night, I'm holding a baby who is so cute but doesn't want to be put down for even a split second, then I'm getting kids off to school, and then I am using her precious 20 minute naptime to shower... Once I have a few more hands I can surely exercise, but it would be nice to start now. Anyone exercise at night? I have done that a few times but I hate showering twice...and I prefer to run before eating for the day. I would love to get a few more pounds off though. It doesn't just fall off after #5.

*Organize. I have so many bins of too-big/too-small clothes that need to be swapped in or out. Crowding in the bedrooms is a real thing. Too-small bedrooms never bothered me until now. Gotta get on that.

*Baseball/piano wrap-ups. Both of these GOOD things are almost over. Happy and sad about that.

*Sleep training  I shouldn't even list this because it's a joke and nothing works, but I am determined to crack Sadie's "code" and get her sleeping. I can't fathom what sleeping more than 5 hours feels like because I can't remember anymore, but that is the goal! It would be nice to have her sleeping this summer...just to interrupt her schedule twice a week and mess her all up again. :)

Bring on summer!

mother heart

I got to spend part of last week with most of the most important women in my life. I was with my mom, sister, niece, and two aunts (and Sadie of course). There is something so calming and strengthening about being surrounded by those who know more than me, and know different than me.

I have a lot of friends and family members who have had/are having fertility problems. I myself have never had those kinds of problems, but my heart knows the ache of wanting to hold a (certain) baby. Yet there are so so many people who have mothered me, and who have and who do mother my children. One dear friend (who has 4 kids of her own) decided to take on a project and chose my sweet Emma to "mentor" and help make a gift for me for Mother's Day. While it was apparent early on that she was working on something for me, I had absolutely no idea what it was. Emma was up late each night, working away in her room or at the neighbor's house getting more help.

And while I was out of town, she had the chance to finish this perfect masterpiece (pillow).

I feel like my entire heart is on this little pillow. Those handprints and that tiny heart are a perfect reminder of what fills up my heart so much it could burst. And what a great reminder to me that we can influence everyone around us just because we are women. Because it is inside of us. I am so so grateful to my dear friend who took the time to nurture Emma and help her make this special gift for me.

And for my friends who continue to long to be mothers in the truest sense of the word...in the meantime I am so grateful that they remind me what is most important. I have it all in front of me, and I need to remember to be oh so thankful. And to my friend who is not yet a mom, but had a cute little 2 year old with her today, taking care of her and watching over her, it looked so perfect.

halfway to one

Oh boy, is it ever true that as a parent the moments go by soooo sloooow but on the whole the time just whizzes by.

Alas, my sweet baby has been with us for half a year now. And I feel like I only just blinked. But then I remember how nights are STILL long and tedious, how I change so.many.diapers every single day (actually, very few of hers and very many of her older brother's), how she only likes me, and how I am virtually attached to this little human all the time.

I am still figuring her out. I spend so much time trying to keep her happy, and my other kids suffer a little in the process. It's good for them though, to wait their turn, to deal with crazy people (read: their mom), and to learn to share.

I hate parenting/baby books. I've read a lot of them and they never make me feel better. I have had lots of kids and none of them has fit any mold. After reading about 6 books when Tanner was small I vowed never again to mess with it. I know my baby best of all, and I know what is best. Even if I don't know all that well, I still know better than some doctor in a book.

Sadie is a baby who just NEEDS me. She needs more comfort, more physical touch than most. Than any of my others. Emma was Miss Independent and it's gone downhill from there. Sadie won't cry it out - she will cry her whole life if I let her. She just needs me (sometimes too much). Now that I can accept that I can move on. These last 48 hours since that realization have been liberating for me. That is who she is and someday I am certain I will miss being needed THAT much.

Anyway...
Sadie has one tooth, almost 2. She was an early-ish teether, like Emma. She used to sleep 8-hour stretches at night but now she barely makes it 3. I don't know what it feels like to wake up rested, and I imagine it will take a while longer for me to remember. She thinks Tanner is the funniest person alive, she admires Tyler, she likes to play with Emma, and she admires her dad from afar. She adores me, still. It's endearing, I must say. She can sit up (hooray), she still only poops once a week (!), and she has a great personality. She is BUSY. She is 16 lbs 13 oz. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months bring us. Because truly, it can only go up.

We sure love this girl.

field trip

I need to brag about my first-born for a minute. I sometimes could burst with pride for this girl.

A field trip information sheet came home a few weeks ago. It might be the final field trip of the year and Emma wanted a parent to chaperone this time. Because I can't yet leave Sadie for 4 hours, and can't fathom leaving her with someone - anyone! - for 4 hours to endure her antics, we deferred to Spencer to see if he could swing it. He works a ton and has meetings every single day. He looked at his calendar. Two meetings.

He told her he would try to move them. She had a week to turn in the papers.

Each evening Emma would sweetly ask her dad if he thought he could go. He sometimes forgot to try to move the meeting, and sometimes he was in the process of getting the day cleared up. He would tell her to remind him in the morning. She never nagged or whined, but would calmly remind him to keep trying.

Finally he figured out how he could make it to her field trip, though he was quite indifferent about the whole thing. He told her he would be there and she looked happy. But our neighbor told us later just how excited Emma was as they walked to school that morning. Jumping up and down, screaming that her dad was going on a field trip! I'm so glad that I heard about this; I immediately called Spencer and told him just what a BIG DEAL it was to her that he was going. He felt guilty for not deciding and prioritizing that sooner.

It was a good lesson to both of us that we should do anything in our power to make our individual kids happy. Really, those little things sometimes make the biggest impact. And it reinforced to me just what a good girl Emma is. Her maturity blows me away. She was so excited to show off her dad to her class and even wanted to go buy a new shirt for the occasion.

They had a great time. A train ride up the canyon! It didn't even seem to matter that it was 94 degrees. I think Emma was the happiest girl in her class.

I love that the conductor made an appearance in this photo.

We are already arguing over who gets to go on her field trips next year - they are pretty amazing ones!