reality - life with a newborn

For me, reality sets in after a baby when my mom goes home. There is nothing quite like having your very own mom, the one who raised you since you yourself were a baby, there to push you along and take care of you, and especially just be there. No one knows what you need like she does.

Most of the time Mom was here we were in the hospital. But Tanner was happy and had her full attention. She handled school projects, piano lessons, homework, etc. I cried as I said goodbye this morning...because now it's up to us. Me and Spencer. Left to take care of FOUR kids. And now that I have had my final baby, I am already dreaming of when I get to go visit Emma as she has her first baby (in a long, long time!). I will probably have to beg her to let me stay for 3 weeks. Man, there is nothing quite like holding a newborn, especially when that newborn belongs to you. Indescribable.

So here are a few things I want to remember from the last 5 days:
-Having my feelings of complete terror calmed as Spencer gave me a blessing early on the morning of the birth that my body would be whole and everything would go completely smoothly.
-Feeling relief as I talked to my nurse, doctor, and the same anesthesiologist we had with Tanner.
-Shaking with lots of emotions as my body went numb and we waited for all the different sensations before the baby would be born. Shaking as the memories of past surgeries flooded back - even the smell of having the oxygen tubes in my nose was a little startling.
-Knowing that she was about to be born, and as my mind wandered to what she was doing in that moment - maybe with her big sister about to send her down - I got so emotional. What a wonderful thought to ponder exactly where these little ones are coming from!
-Tears (of fear, relief, gratitude) as she started screaming...quickly. I smiled as they described her as "mad" - I like a girl with attitude.
-Spencer WOULD NOT cut the cord! This is the first time he was even given that option; for me that was reason to do it. For him, a reason not to.
-Having her put on my chest within minutes. This was new to me, and unusual for c-sections. Our hospital is in a "baby-friendly" certification process. I can't say I loved it, but I am glad I got to experience it...once.

-Getting stitched up while staring at my beautiful baby girl just inches away from my face.
-Having my whole little family in our hospital room. Wow - that is overwhelming.
-Finally choosing a name - Sadie - and feeling so good knowing that it is just perfect for her.
-All her hair!

-Listening to her cry almost the whole first night...ironic.

Most of these pictures are repeats - the ones on my real camera are still on my real camera, and I'm finding that I just don't have time to go through pictures yet. Soon.