hard

Sometimes life is just hard.

Spencer's job situation is hard. That's all I'm gonna say about that. But he has a job, and in a lot of ways it's a good job.

Then there are the trite things that are "hard." I feel like this is the story of my current life. I have a son who is 19 months old, who still doesn't sleep through the night. He did it for two nights in a row and all of a sudden it didn't seem like a big deal that he hadn't done it before; I felt great. I said we'd throw a party and make a cake if he did it a 3rd night in a row. Bummer for all of us...because we didn't make it. In that moment (2 a.m.) it is really hard, though in reality it is mostly just annoying.

Hopefully in a post very soon I can tell you that Tanner is successfully sleeping through the night, and that we made a cake to celebrate. And then I will have forgotten how hard it was to get him to sleep and that part of my life will be easy once again. I can do hard things, right?

And then there are the really hard things. So often we hear, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I feel like bad things only happen to good people. Those people are strong and they come back even stronger. But it's hard to see friends go through something that you personally know is a trial, and that you personally have experienced. I know what loss feels like, and I wish I could take it away.

And just because I need to be reminded how stinkin' cute this kid actually is...

more baptism

A few other special things I want to remember...

My mom made her famous sugar cookies (her recipe is in the comments) because that was Emma's one request. She even managed to transport them in the car (6 hours) safely. At treat time they were gone in a flash, and some people didn't even know they were there at all (sorry!).

Lots of other dear friends who called me, sometimes repeatedly until I said yes, and offered to supply treats. Good thing too, because after the busyness of that day and week all I wanted to do was stuff my face.

I guess all the sugar contributed to the kids' hyperactivity and they played "Motorboat" for a good 20 minutes. They even included Tanner and dragged his little body all over that gym. He lost his pants a few times. But! He wasn't crying so I let them go as long as they wanted. And believe me, he had been crying the whole evening so it was a nice break.

It's a tricky thing to walk sideways. Tanner will learn someday. The blur is a clear indicator of their speed...

Tiffany brought Emma a gardenia corsage. I am still getting whiffs of that flower when I pick up anything that Emma held at or after the baptism.

My friend and neighbor had her camera and snapped away, thank goodness. It wasn't usually very convenient for me to be taking pictures.

Because we clearly didn't have enough sugar, Emma's birthday cake was pretty much entirely that - sugar. Chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, kit kat bars, and M&M's. She has wanted this exact cake for 6 months, including a very cool singing birthday candle that pretty much acted as a firework as well. (The candle continued to sing out in the garbage for 3 days.) What a bonus that her birthday is before a red/pink/purple holiday.

P.S. When I asked, Emma said she still hasn't sinned...for anyone who was wondering.

accountable

Lately when I look at Emma I just feel like her childhood is slipping away from me...in a sad but also full-of-pride sort of way. She has taught me so much about maturity and humility the last month or so. She got to be baptized on her birthday - which was amazing. (And a lot of work.) She kept worrying about if she was ready to be baptized, and I could tell it consumed a lot of her thoughts. We had long tearful discussions about it, and I realized once again that she is aware and wise and oh so perceptive.

So here are my reasons Emma was ready to be baptized:

She is obedient. She does what she is supposed to do, almost all of the time. She does everything I ask her to, and a lot of things I don't.

She is so helpful, to everyone. She is Tanner's little mommy. Since the little dude still doesn't sleep much at night, or at all, and is just so darn grumpy most of the time, Emma steps in and gets his milk, lays him in her bed, sings to him, reads to him, and gives him piggy-back rides. She is Tanner's dream come true (and mine!)

She is truly ready and willing to make covenants. I think that when I was turning 8 I was more worried about the attention and the party. She took all of this very seriously and was involved in every single detail. Her grandma gave a wonderful talk, explaining the Holy Ghost so perfectly. Emma told me she will always remember the actual "comforter" Grandma put on her while she spoke.

She has recently taught me so much about preparation and maturity. One day she came to me, in tears, asking how she could know she is ready to be baptized. When our incredibly in-tune Primary President came over to give Emma some prepatory baptism items, Emma came to me again, in shock, and said, "Mom, she answered my prayers!" There is something that just causes you to melt when you experience something so powerful with your 7 year old.

She is full of goodness. Emma is so easy to be around. She is pleasant, so so honest, and just so pure. I want to bottle her up and save her like this forever. Her Uncle Matt also spoke at her baptism, and talked about another Emma in our line, her great great (great?) grandmother. That Emma ended up dying from illness while serving others who were also ill. What a legacy.

I sure treasure this girl, with my whole heart. Her baptism was so completely perfect. My favorite line of the night was after she came out of the water, she said, "Mom, you know what I'm always going to remember about this day? That I needed to go to the bathroom so bad while I was getting baptized!" Then she said she's not going to sin at all. Funny enough, I can't say it would surprise me if she managed that.