on we go

This past school year I have volunteered in Emma's class for 2 hours every Monday. While I would gripe about it beforehand, I would almost always eat my words as I sat there in the classroom. I loved seeing her interact with her peers and observe her helping those who sat at her table. And now I can't believe she's done with kindergarten! I'm glad I got to be a part of it. I love that she was proud to have me there.

Last week as I was in her class, I started prepping projects for next year's students. I realized that these are the projects Tyler will be doing in a few months. My little buddy, my sidekick, the boy who adores me will be permanently gone from the home for a certain period of time. After kindergarten, it just gets longer and longer until he's off to college/a mission, etc. I know it's excellent preparation for him, and it has to start somewhere - why not kindergarten with just 3 hours a day? I love that pre-school has prepared him so well socially and mentally for what is to come. I love that he has learned to deal with conflicts with friends and that he has learned to be on his own, and take ownership for something at such a young age. I love that he has new confidence from doing something totally alone. I love that he is learning about relationships, in a place where he has to be away from me and learn and grow on his own. But I can't help but feel nostalgia about him entering the school system.

In a way I am also starting over. I will have a new baby at home with me while my older two are gone. I get another chance to be that "better" mom that I think about all the time. I have been blessed with really good, pleasant children. I can only hope they stay that way as they are going to be faced with a lot. I can only hope that we've done enough where it matters most - in the home - for them to remember who they are and to continue what they have started. I really think they will be just fine, but sometimes I wonder if I will be.

In the meantime, I have been looking forward to the end of school, and to summer, for a long time. I am thrilled to have both kids home with me for a couple months. And I am so happy to have things slow down a little. Oh, and the end of the whole being out the door at 7:50 a.m. thing will be nice too. I am going to enjoy it, because it won't last long.

And, here is my little guy, in his graduation gear just tonight. I had a hard time not bursting into tears as he sat there and grinned at me. He and I sure have something special, and I love this kid more than anything.