Jobs

Because I'm a mom...

I not only worry about balance in terms of myself and my life, but also in terms of my kids.

Jobs. Chores. Necessary for children. Necessary for me. You might remember this post from almost two years ago. I made up super cute job charts. I thought having job charts would help me out. Well, the novelty wore off after about 3 days, and the kids were back to being job-less. Shocker.

I must take some of the blame. It's so much easier to just clean up myself sometimes. But let's face it - they are 6 and 4 1/2 and are clearly capable of taking care of things for themselves.

Over Christmas break I re-invented the system, and it has worked like a charm. That is 3 MONTHS people! May the luck continue...

Here is what works for us:
I think it's good for them to have responsibilities that they can OWN. So, I wrote down on a notepad one thing they need to do every day (which is usually taking care of keeping their room clean, including making the bed, etc.). Then I sporadically gave them a couple other jobs throughout the week. It's not too much, and they weren't overwhelmed by looking at a chart of several things they had to do every single day. Since I do laundry on Mondays and Thursdays, they are responsible for putting their laundry away on those days. (Hmm, should I put together a list of jobs for myself, and include putting laundry away??) Tyler loves having a clean room. And seriously, it's almost always clean.

Every day I remind the kids they need to do their jobs. And seriously, NOT ONE TIME have they complained! They'll scurry around and get their stuff done, usually within 10 minutes. They have even asked for more jobs (like doing the dishes) because it's become habit. They also know that if I ask them to do something else, which I almost always do, depending on what needs to be done, it's "part" of their jobs. I think that because it's always different and that they aren't staring at an official chart full of blanks on the fridge it is easier for them to do it without whining.

And what do they get? That is the most important part, after all. We have a deal that if they do everything I ask them to, and do all their "regular" jobs (the ones that are written down on that little notepad), they get a dollar at the end of the week. And I swear to you, that is like gold to them. They both have things they are saving up for. I've started giving them $1.10 so the coin can go to tithing and they can keep the dollar, and so that I don't have to break two dollar bills every week.

If all it's going to cost me is $2 a week to get their little booties moving and helping out, I tell you - it is SO worth it. May this continue for a very long time. Now if I could teach them how to cook.

Legos

I don't have a bucket list. If I did, visiting Legoland would not be on that list. But I have a really cute boy who I knew would just eat it up. That, and Spencer's San Diego work schedule worked out perfectly for us all to go (for free, thank heavens. If I had to PAY $67 a person for THAT, I would not have been happy).

Legoland is a cute, creative little park that was probably all Tyler dreamed it would be (maybe Emma too). I like big scary rides so it wasn't necessarily up my alley. There was one "fun" looking rollercoaster the kids had no interest in. I think that after our Disneyland experience last fall, they will never trust me again. But, they drove Lego cars to their hearts' content. They went down big slides, rode on Lego horses, and drove Lego boats. Walking out at the end of the day I didn't have that Aww, I can't wait to come back feeling. I was just tired and glad to be leaving. Don't get me wrong - we had a great time. But I must admit I was thinking, Phew, I never have to come back here again.

But a few days later I found out I have a little boy inside me. And here we go again. Maybe I will be back.
(And seriously, isn't Tyler the cutest? I am beyond thrilled to have another little one of him.)

So far the baby looks just perfect. There might be some minor complications with me, however. I guess I selfishly feel like I "deserve" to have a completely smooth pregnancy, but am still hoping for the best. I think I'll stay a little quiet about all of this for the next few months--surely you understand--but would appreciate any happy thoughts you can send my way!! And, now we'll be "even" - 2 and 2, a dream for my little logical kindergartner. She knew it was a boy because we had to "keep the pattern."

snow birds

The North East was hit with a serious ice storm on Valentine's Day in 2007. Spencer stayed home from work for the first time ever because of weather, and we watched movies and hung out all day. That ice didn't melt for at least a month. Where we lived we had to park on the grass, and all of us fell more than once. That was the clincher... about a week later Spencer got a call from a head hunter from another company and 6 weeks later we were outta there!

I guess we're sort of snowbirds now. But it's good for the kids to remember that they used to be snow babies. They sure seem to forget that this white stuff can freeze you if you aren't careful.

We were lucky enough to go sledding again with our friends. This year the kids lasted a whole 2 hours before whining. I can't blame them - it was snowing pretty hard the entire time, your legs sunk through the snow up to your knees, Tyler's boots kept falling off due to the velcro being full of snow and frozen, and Emma's snow pants were too short. They both had red toes and feet when all was said and done. Memories, right?

BUT, we sure had a great experience! The dads helped make the powdery snow into an icy track that the kids could actually sled down instead of sink into. I perched myself under a covering (that I had to hold up myself, mostly with my head) so I could actually pull out my camera and keep it as dry as possible. The things I do to get pictures! I did hand off the camera a couple times so I could join in the sledding fun. And boy was it fun! The best part is going back to the cabin, letting the kids run off and play, and drinking hot chocolate. Oh, and eating good food. I've had Eggs Benedict exactly twice in my life, both times courtesy of Ashley, Mike fried up some serious French Toast, and I am pretty sure I need to go on a diet.

In the car, ready to go. FULL car.





Love this one. Spencer's tongue being out is a trademark. Actually, it was a miracle he was able to be with us at all. (We're big fans of internet cafe's in 3G dead zones.)

And, our attempt at a family picture. Two of us (who shall remain nameless) were DONE with the snow.

best

I think I need to clean my bathroom more. As I was scrubbing the toilet yesterday I started thinking about a lot of things. And pieces of this talk kept popping into my head. That is reason enough to clean my bathroom more, and to clear my head.

I looked up the talk and at the very top I read, "We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they...strengthen our families."

Then I got to go to our ward's New Beginnings last night. I really loved it, probably more than any other that I have ever been to. Perhaps my mind was just in the right place. The music was phenomenal, those who spoke did a wonderful job, I was so proud of the girls who ran it, and I left there wanting to do better in so many ways. I kind of want to have my own new beginning/fresh start.

Maybe I get reflective at this time each year. I don't really know. This is a busier time in our household than most other times. We really welcome April 15th not because we get a nice tax return (usually it's the opposite) but because we see Spencer a little more. I really can't complain because he's got a great job and they sure love him at work. And believe me, it's not too hard for me to manage the kids by myself now that they're a little older.

When the kids were little (not in school) I had lots of offers to leave for a few weeks during "busy season" and go somewhere - anywhere - where family members were in order to get away from the stress of a crazy work schedule. I always considered it. I never did it. It might have been easier on me to have new surroundings, other kids for my kids to play with or grandparents to dote on them, and I wondered if it would make it easier for Spencer. But was it the best thing for Spencer? Was it the best thing for my family? I never felt that it was. When Spencer is crazy and working 90+ hours a week, the last thing he wants to stumble home to at midnight is an empty house.

In fact, I notice that at these times he's a lot more willing to get up with the kids and spend those few minutes with them in the morning before he has to leave. He loves carrying them to bed when they've fallen asleep in their new tent on the floor, or when they've made their way into our bed, or when they sleepwalk in at 1 a.m and are totally confused. I just couldn't ever take that away from him. Or them. Or me.

One thing I'm learning is that it is ok to say "no." I try to be home as much as I can and to give my family as much of my attention as I can. That doesn't mean it's easy or even preferable sometimes. But it just makes me feel better.

Here's another quote that I really like: "We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it...Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

I love this talk because he doesn't tell us what is good, what is better, and what is best. The wonderful thing is that we all get to use our own minds and hearts to determine our priorities in our OWN lives. So, we all get to be different and choose what is important to us. Props to all those who can seem to do everything and keep their heads on straight. I'm not one of those people.

Anyway, I guess this is the reason I have never left town when things get a little crazy around here. I guess this is why I might come off as selfish or unfriendly when others ask me to do big things that involve me leaving my family, or even putting them aside for any period of time and I say no. I definitely have a long way to go in terms of my priorities on a more individual level (trust me), but it is something I think about all the time.

I'm glad for those snippets of personal inspiration while I'm cleaning the toilet. Now if I could get them while I'm eating brownies...

more mom stuff

Maybe this is a brain-dump of sorts, but I've been thinking a lot about this for a few weeks.

I happened to watch Oprah a few months ago (which is very rare for me). Someone whose blog I read was going to be on that day, so I made an effort to record it and watch. At one point Oprah was talking about how this woman was a mother of 4 and wondered how this talented woman could put herself/her interests on the backburner so she could have and raise her children. Oprah said how common it is that women put their interests and talents aside completely when they have children. (Ironic that she sometimes comes across like such the mothering expert.) The connotation was one of...dismay?...sympathy?...disdain? But I loved the young mother's response. She simply said, "Well, you kind of have to." She didn't sound sad about it, or that she was missing out on things she wanted to do. If you go into it knowing what you're doing, I think it's just natural and not difficult.

I remember after I had Emma that for a few months I felt like I was no longer myself, that my life would forever be changing diapers and feeding children. Then I got into a routine and it was great, and I understood why people had more than one child. I had Tyler and he really threw me for a loop - he wasn't quite the angel that Emma was. But I had known that I wanted them close together. Maybe some of my interests and talents had to take a back seat for a few years, but I knew that going in. I couldn't do lots of things I wanted to anymore because they interfered with naptime or bedtime. Now that they're a little bit older I find myself with a little more time to rediscover things I used to enjoy doing, and find new things to do. I think it's just the cycle of mommyhood. Things get crazy, and then they get crazy but a little more manageable. Or maybe it's just a different kind of crazy...

I had a few extra kids around my house this past weekend. They were great and they're darling girls, but it threw me for a little loop. (However, I did manage to get 4 kids dressed and to 9 am church a whole ten minutes early!) I said to someone, "Four kids is HARD!" An older couple heard me and said, "You think it's hard now? Wait until they're teenagers!" I had to smile and nod in agreement. But I think all stages are just different in terms of hard. It will be a different "hard" in 10 years than the "hard" it was 2-4 years ago.

Anyway, I find these little cycles interesting. We CAN do everything, just maybe not all at the same time. While I had no time AT ALL for myself a few years ago, I DID sign up for that. I think that's what makes moms good moms - we're willing to take a back seat for a while in order to give our kids what they need. But it's a cycle and in time, I will have more chances to do what I want to do, especially if those things involve them. And maybe my kids will take up some of my interests and we'll be able to do them together.

portraits

At church I work with the 16-18 year old girls. And man, they are cute girls. Perhaps this new calling is the reason I am suddenly quite nervous for Emma to keep growing up. I mean, if she looks this darn cute now, what do we have coming??

I am notorious for saying "this is my favorite age!" regarding my kids. Once again, I feel that way right now, but for more than just the normal reason. I don't want her to get older!