hard

Sometimes life is just hard.

Spencer's job situation is hard. That's all I'm gonna say about that. But he has a job, and in a lot of ways it's a good job.

Then there are the trite things that are "hard." I feel like this is the story of my current life. I have a son who is 19 months old, who still doesn't sleep through the night. He did it for two nights in a row and all of a sudden it didn't seem like a big deal that he hadn't done it before; I felt great. I said we'd throw a party and make a cake if he did it a 3rd night in a row. Bummer for all of us...because we didn't make it. In that moment (2 a.m.) it is really hard, though in reality it is mostly just annoying.

Hopefully in a post very soon I can tell you that Tanner is successfully sleeping through the night, and that we made a cake to celebrate. And then I will have forgotten how hard it was to get him to sleep and that part of my life will be easy once again. I can do hard things, right?

And then there are the really hard things. So often we hear, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I feel like bad things only happen to good people. Those people are strong and they come back even stronger. But it's hard to see friends go through something that you personally know is a trial, and that you personally have experienced. I know what loss feels like, and I wish I could take it away.

And just because I need to be reminded how stinkin' cute this kid actually is...

more baptism

A few other special things I want to remember...

My mom made her famous sugar cookies (her recipe is in the comments) because that was Emma's one request. She even managed to transport them in the car (6 hours) safely. At treat time they were gone in a flash, and some people didn't even know they were there at all (sorry!).

Lots of other dear friends who called me, sometimes repeatedly until I said yes, and offered to supply treats. Good thing too, because after the busyness of that day and week all I wanted to do was stuff my face.

I guess all the sugar contributed to the kids' hyperactivity and they played "Motorboat" for a good 20 minutes. They even included Tanner and dragged his little body all over that gym. He lost his pants a few times. But! He wasn't crying so I let them go as long as they wanted. And believe me, he had been crying the whole evening so it was a nice break.

It's a tricky thing to walk sideways. Tanner will learn someday. The blur is a clear indicator of their speed...

Tiffany brought Emma a gardenia corsage. I am still getting whiffs of that flower when I pick up anything that Emma held at or after the baptism.

My friend and neighbor had her camera and snapped away, thank goodness. It wasn't usually very convenient for me to be taking pictures.

Because we clearly didn't have enough sugar, Emma's birthday cake was pretty much entirely that - sugar. Chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, kit kat bars, and M&M's. She has wanted this exact cake for 6 months, including a very cool singing birthday candle that pretty much acted as a firework as well. (The candle continued to sing out in the garbage for 3 days.) What a bonus that her birthday is before a red/pink/purple holiday.

P.S. When I asked, Emma said she still hasn't sinned...for anyone who was wondering.

accountable

Lately when I look at Emma I just feel like her childhood is slipping away from me...in a sad but also full-of-pride sort of way. She has taught me so much about maturity and humility the last month or so. She got to be baptized on her birthday - which was amazing. (And a lot of work.) She kept worrying about if she was ready to be baptized, and I could tell it consumed a lot of her thoughts. We had long tearful discussions about it, and I realized once again that she is aware and wise and oh so perceptive.

So here are my reasons Emma was ready to be baptized:

She is obedient. She does what she is supposed to do, almost all of the time. She does everything I ask her to, and a lot of things I don't.

She is so helpful, to everyone. She is Tanner's little mommy. Since the little dude still doesn't sleep much at night, or at all, and is just so darn grumpy most of the time, Emma steps in and gets his milk, lays him in her bed, sings to him, reads to him, and gives him piggy-back rides. She is Tanner's dream come true (and mine!)

She is truly ready and willing to make covenants. I think that when I was turning 8 I was more worried about the attention and the party. She took all of this very seriously and was involved in every single detail. Her grandma gave a wonderful talk, explaining the Holy Ghost so perfectly. Emma told me she will always remember the actual "comforter" Grandma put on her while she spoke.

She has recently taught me so much about preparation and maturity. One day she came to me, in tears, asking how she could know she is ready to be baptized. When our incredibly in-tune Primary President came over to give Emma some prepatory baptism items, Emma came to me again, in shock, and said, "Mom, she answered my prayers!" There is something that just causes you to melt when you experience something so powerful with your 7 year old.

She is full of goodness. Emma is so easy to be around. She is pleasant, so so honest, and just so pure. I want to bottle her up and save her like this forever. Her Uncle Matt also spoke at her baptism, and talked about another Emma in our line, her great great (great?) grandmother. That Emma ended up dying from illness while serving others who were also ill. What a legacy.

I sure treasure this girl, with my whole heart. Her baptism was so completely perfect. My favorite line of the night was after she came out of the water, she said, "Mom, you know what I'm always going to remember about this day? That I needed to go to the bathroom so bad while I was getting baptized!" Then she said she's not going to sin at all. Funny enough, I can't say it would surprise me if she managed that.

green smoothies kids will drink!

Maybe it was initially a hard transition for me because I worked at Jamba Juice for 4 years in high school/college...but now I sure like my smoothies healthy.

Up until last year I used to make green smoothies a few times a week but my Ninja Blender just wasn't cutting it (literally), and we would be chomping away while we were attempting to drink. When our across-the-street neighbors went out of town I "borrowed" their Vita Mix. After a week I was sold and a few days later I was the proud owner of my very own.

I use it at least once a day (mostly for green smoothies for breakfast). My kids love them and it counts for Spencer's and my entire breakfast. I try to get about 10 different fruits/vegetables, depending on what I can get at that time of year. And my smoothies are usually not green...we like blueberries a lot so that changes the color to more of a purple when I use those.

It makes enough for all 3 kids to have smaller-sized cups, and Spencer and me to have tall glasses (about 6 cups total). While you don't need a fancy power blender, it definitely helps. And, I have the comfort of knowing that at least my kids are getting some greens every day.

Here is my typical green smoothie (equals a full blender):
2+ cups water (more or less depending on consistency during blending)
2 handfuls spinach
2 handfuls kale
About 10-12 baby carrots
10 strawberries (frozen or fresh)
1 small apple
Handful of frozen peach slices
Blueberries/Blackberries/Raspberries
Grapes, or any other fruit you have
Flaxseed (1-2 teaspoons)
Ice, if necessary
Blend, and add more water or ice depending on the consistency you want. What I love the most is that these taste slightly different because I always use different ingredients.

I love this sight!

*By the way, my very favorite fruit in green soothies is grapes. I would never have guessed it, becuase I generally don't like things that are grape-flavored, but they sure add a lot to the smoothies.
**Bananas add a creamy texture but also a strong flavor. Unless you love bananas, I would only use half of one, or none at all.

18

Oh, 18 months. How he is still SO MUCH my little baby, but has the independence of a growing toddler boy. I love him with my entire heart. I wish I could bottle part of him up because I truly enjoy him, and this age is my very favorite. I can't believe that when Emma was this age I had a new tiny baby... how can it be that I still feel like he is so much my baby?

If we hadn't had stake conference today, it would have been his first day in nursery. Next week.

He caused us a bit of stress the past 9 days. Lots of visits to blood labs, xray rooms and doctor's offices. Now that MY Tanner is back I am so extra grateful for who he is. He loves me, he loves my attention, and I hear "mom" about 400 times a day. I love it every time. I love when he gets right in front of my face and those gorgeous eyes look inside of me. Pure heaven. I don't love the screaming, but I know it is temporary.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of this little rascal.

pizza friday

For the last several years Friday has been pizza night at our house. Everyone looks forward to it. Well, everyone but Emma. The only food Emma doesn't love is pizza. And because I am economical and health-conscious, I always make it myself. Years ago I got a recipe from Spencer's mom but I have modified it slightly over time. In fact, I think it's probably different every time I make it. But it's always good, and always has a thick crust. Which is the most important thing.

In case you want to be not-so-original like us and have homemade pizza every Friday night, here is my recipe. Pretty much. By the way, it also works well for cinnamon rolls if you have extra dough (and use vegetable oil instead of olive oil)...

Pizza Dough
2 1/2 cups very warm water
2 1/2 Tbsp yeast
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
7 cups flour (throw in some whole wheat flour if you want, but not more than 3 cups)
1/2 cup vegetable oil (or olive)

Mix water, yeast and sugar. Let rise for 35 minutes. Add salt, flour, and oil. Knead and let rise for 1 hour. Roll/stretch out dough onto a pan or stone. Add pasta/pizza/marinara sauce, mozzarella/provolone cheese, oregano and whatever toppings you want! Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes (check on it).

Makes enough for two large pizzas or three small (or two small...and cinnamon rolls!) I often half the recipe and just do one big pizza but I'm realizing that isn't going to fly any longer. I also have a recipe for white pizza sauce topped with tomato and basil if anyone is interested in that...

*Note: I read something the other day about how pizza should always be cooked at the highest temperature your oven will go to. Well, mine will go as high as I tell it to, so tonight I cooked our pizza at 450 for 8 minutes. I didn't notice a difference but maybe real foodies could have...?