my busy season

I don't know why I get a certain amount of satisfaction from the fact that Spencer is still learning things about me, even though we've known each other for almost 10 years. I really don't feel like I'm mysterious. But anyway...

So we have once again found ourselves in the craziness of tax season. Perhaps the fact that Spencer isn't home much, combined with the fact that it's cold and we're inside a lot, was making me a bit stir crazy. Add that to my sudden love for HGTV and he had to know something was coming. I never "nest" when I'm pregnant. I "nest" when life is full of stress. Spencer knew I was literally itching to do a project. He kept saying, "I can help you! Just give me a few weeks, and then we can do it together!" But he was totally missing the point. I had to do it on my own. I guess it's my outlet. I think women will understand this, and men might be baffled just like he was.

I've learned something about myself these last few months. I really like being in my bedroom. I like the coziness of it, being able to sit on a bed instead of on the couch where it's crazy and the kids do their homework and build Lego creations. My room might be teeny tiny, but I really like to be in there. As I've been in there a lot lately (feeding Tanner, folding laundry, etc.), I realized I wanted to change it. Don't get me wrong, I loved my room. Here is what it looked like from the day we moved in until just yesterday:

I painted it, along with two friends, this blue color, and I really did like it. And I still liked it even when I decided to be done with it. The blue was just too specific, and I needed to change my bedding (more on that later), and because it was so blue, it wasn't going to match at all.

So, because I lose my mind slightly every tax season, I decided to totally re-do my bedroom. That was going to be my project - my outlet. To prove how crazy I am, I even toyed with the idea of painting my bed! I'm glad I sort of came to my senses...

I found a great bedding set that I loved online at Macy's for $250. Yeah right.

So, I went and found it (also new) on ebay for $60. I won that auction, and instantly had a color scheme. I headed off to the hardware store to look at paint samples. It was my lucky day because their section of "oops" paint had exactly what I was looking for. I can't think of much that is better than a $5 gallon of Benjamin Moore paint, in exactly the right color.

At this point I decided to go all out and even order a print for a frame I've had for a long time. Did you know you can order prints from Costco? Pictures from a gallery of 20,000? Because my bedding had poppies in it (but not a whole lot of color), I found a picture of pink poppies, and I think it complements the room nicely. (Now to decide where to put it - above the bed or on another wall? Ideas? It's much bigger than it looks.)

I found a clearanced pillowtop mattress pad for $20. And lastly, the sheets we've had since before we got married finally got a hole in them (and my back-up set is pretty thrashed as well), so I ordered new sheets. As a sidenote, Spencer admitted to me two weeks ago that he has been completely converted to my insistence of buying high thread-count sheets. Thank you very much; that is music to my ears.

I had all my supplies for an entirely new room, and they all just sat in my laundry room while I waited for my opportunity to paint. It's hard to move furniture all by yourself, and Spencer rarely has any extra minutes to help me do that part. I finally talked him into helping me shimmy the bed out 2 feet from the wall, so I was able to paint that wall last Saturday while he was at work and while the big kids were home to help me with Tanner. As I didn't want it to turn into a weeks-long project, I decided to power through and paint the remaining 3 walls two days later (yesterday).

I baby-sat two girls in the morning, had to go to the school 3 times, had to deal with a baby, did the laundry, edited a paper AND painted the rest of the room! I had to move the dressers out by myself but doing it carefully and slowly was ok. And, even though I finished at 11 pm and Tanner was up shortly after, I love love love how it turned out. This lighter gray color (with a slight hint of lavender) matches the bedding, is very neutral, and also makes my little room feel just a little bigger.

Last night as I was peeling the tape off the ceiling (when he got home at 10:30) I said to Spencer, "I love it! And I'm not going to paint this room again." He instantly said, "I don't believe that for a second." I'm serious though. I just need to find a new project for this summer when he's really busy again so that his crazy work life doesn't consume mine.

february loves

What I'm lovin':
*Immobility. Tanner STILL doesn't roll over. Strange, but it doesn't concern me. Why? Tyler NEVER rolled over. He just wasn't interested. I think Tanner is the same. Also, he is almost never down on the ground because he throws a complete fit, so I guess he just doesn't get practice. Fine by me; less baby-proofing to worry about. However, I can't wait for him to start crawling. Maybe he will follow me around and not insist on being held.
*Crazy weather. A few weeks ago it might as well have been summer, and now they are predicting SNOW here. What?! Never boring.
*Emma wanting to sleep in the boys' room. She is in a phase where she doesn't want to be alone. So, she's taken up to bunking in the bunk. Seeing all three of my kids sleeping in one small space makes my heart feel like it might explode (that is, if they actually are all sleeping....).
*On that same note, my big kids asking if they can "have Tanner" while they are playing. I love getting a few minutes of freedom, and enjoy seeing Tanner play with something girly while being the complete center of attention. The center of someone else's attention. Heaven.
*HGTV. I used to watch Fox News during my free time (meaning, baby-feeding time), and I just got plain sick of the news. Now I know exactly how to fix all the things in my house that need fixing, and I have a serious itch to do projects. Perhaps I should become an interior designer, because I think I've seen every episode of every show. I now say "window treatments" instead of "curtains" and "space" instead of "room." The best part? Tyler and Emma love it as much as I do. They're the ones who encouraged me to keep entering the dream home giveaway, for the home in Vermont. :)
*The Wii. We only let the kids play on Fridays after school and on Saturdays. And the little lovelies don't complain about it at all! It's still new and exciting to them. It saves me with Spencer working 80 hours a week and being gone on Saturdays. Did you know redbox rents out Wii games? Love that too.
*SORE leg muscles. Why is it so fiercely satisfying to be sore? Maybe because it means I'm finally using them? I'm hoping to say goodbye to the jello soon enough (I just blame 4 pregnancies, but still...time's up).
*My YW. They're so awesome. I am SO going to miss the ones heading to college this fall.
*Spencer being able to balance everything. He spends a few quality minutes with the kids in the morning. He leaves work at 9:30 at night, sometimes heads to the church to take care of a few things, and makes it home in a good mood, just in time to go to bed. Unbelievable. I don't know how he does it, but I love that he does it.
(I won't go into all the things I'm NOT loving, like repeated strep/mastitis, lots of rain, the fact that peace signs seem to be on every piece of children's clothing, and a cute stinker baby who has made it his little life's mission to be sure his mom doesn't ever sleep more than 3 hours at a time.)

discipline

Two things:
1. The few times Spencer has had to discipline Emma, it has completely devastated her. She gets really embarrassed and it takes her a long time to recover from it. Whenever I discipline her, she is sad for a minute and then gets over it. This doesn't happen much with her because she's pretty darn good, almost all the time.
2. A couple months ago I bought Tyler some new pajamas. His were all too small or not great for the colder weather. I chose the Star Wars Legos ones. Tyler loved them. When Spencer got home from work that night, right before the kids went to bed, he saw Tyler's pajamas and they instantly--almost as if prompted--started pretend fighting with light sabers. Sound effects were included. It was one of those moments when I didn't quite "get" it, but it did make me smile. And I got to thinking.

I have gradually realized something in the last year or so, about how my kids respond to different things. Since I am the one with them all the time, if they need to be disciplined I would much rather it be from me, handled right away. This is effective; as they are still quite innocent and don't get in trouble often it's not a big deal. They really are good, and they rarely fight with each other or with other people.

When Spencer gets home they see it as play time; and he does too, apparently. I want it to always be that way, especially since he often has long hours at work (like right now). When he gets home, I want all of them to be happy to see each other. So, I have made the decision to handle that lame part of parenting - disciplining - by myself when possible. Obviously this won't always work or be wise, depending on the situation, but I would rather be the "bad guy" for a few minutes, and then we can all get over it and have fun again, and have Spencer get to come home and not have to discipline or be the "bad guy." And I certainly never want them to be scared of him. With all that he does, I think he deserves to be the "good guy" as much as possible.

crafts

About a month ago I really started itching to do crafts, or to just find a project. It had been a while. There was this heart wreath I really wanted to make last year but never got around to doing so I enlisted some friends and we invited others to come join us for a day (that turned into two) of crafting. I adore this wreath.

Jonna had found a cute project so we also made these letters. Mine are still waiting to be drilled and embellished...I'm hoping to get around to it before I have to put them away...

And because I was just on a roll with Valentine's decor, and because this one involved very little effort, I downloaded this adorable piece of Valentine's art, had it printed at Costco for $1.49, popped it into a frame (that I ended up needing to paint black since it was brown), and it's now on my entry table. Easy.

So, instead of having 2 Valentines decorations, I now have 5!

Lastly, we have been using the same laundry hamper bags for the last 5 years. They've just gotten older and less usable, and this week one totally ripped... I like them though because it's easy to separate whites and darks (my kids have been doing it for years) and not have to worry about it later.

The only other laundry hamper I have seen that I LOVE is $90, so I decided to make new "bags" to be held to the metal stands. I pulled out and dusted off my sewing machine, picked up some fabric at JoAnn ($8), and attempted to figure out what the heck I was doing. There was definitely a lot of error, but they ended up really cute! Even my kids are impressed. I thought a broken needle might have been the end of my big sewing project but thanks to some friends who probably thought I was completely inept, I learned how to replace a sewing needle - which is so easy it's embarrassing that I had never done it before. Note to self: Broken needle does NOT mean broken sewing machine.

No, they don't match my room AT ALL, but I'm hoping to change that real soon (another project for when I have a bit more time). Maybe these cute laundry bags will make me like doing laundry more. Ha ha. At least they're fun - what an improvement from the boring white ones that were here for 5 years.

And...lastly, here are some festive cookies. My mom has THE best sugar cookie recipe. She doesn't really use a recipe but I nailed her down a few years ago and got an approximate recipe. I made these for my YW a few weeks ago when our lesson was on finding an eternal companion, which was fitting for that and for Valentine's.

Glad to be back in it! Now to pick up a book and actually read for pleasure - that's my next goal. I can't fathom it but it sure sounds appetizing...

2,555 days

This is how long I've been a mom. It doesn't seem like a long time in terms of days, but when I look at this beautiful girl, who has quite literally sprouted in front of my eyes, it feels like forever ago that she was born, forever ago that she was a baby when we lived quiet, sleepy, simple lives in Provo. She's been a ball of joy since the very beginning (after I got over the fact that she was born 8 days late...)

We think the world of this girl. I swear Spencer sprouts a few more gray hairs every single year, and he's told me many times he's worried about being the dad of such a beautiful girl, especially a few years down the road. My favorite things about Emma are that she has a kind heart, she's very aware of those around her, and their feelings, she cries with me when she sees I'm sad, she is the best big sister these two stinker boys could ask for (and someday they'll realize it!), she holds Tanner when I just can't do it anymore, she's a good friend, she does everything I ask her to, and she makes me proud every single day. Oh, and she now leaves notes outside my door with lines for me to respond - she's always good at asking me a question so I know exactly what to respond to. I'm so glad she came first because if one of her brothers had been first I don't know if there would have been any more.

We only do birthday parties every ~3 years. My kids have never complained about this, and I love them for it. When they DO have a party it sure is a big deal. And, I don't have to worry about spoiling them. Emma decided on a Wii party and of course had to invite two boys from school, in addition to a few girls. It's so great when your kids can decide what they want, but are also conscious of what their moms can handle. :) So, that party is this afternoon. Now if I can just figure out how to get all the Wii remotes connected, make a cake, clean my house, and take care of a super needy baby, we'll be good to go! Let's party!

a sign

Three days before Macie died I did some girly vinyl projects. I put up pink vinyl in her room (I honestly can't remember the cute quote I used, but I know it was from one of the Disney movies), and then painted a wooden sign light light green and put some more pink vinyl on that.

The sign said "Daughter of God." I didn't love how it turned out - the letters weren't spaced evenly and to me it just looked amateur-ish. The font wasn't my favorite. I still had two weeks until she was to be born, so I put it aside to worry about (or fix) later.

Days later, as we were planning her funeral I knew I wanted the pink blanket my mom had made for her to be displayed over the casket. Spencer also suggested displaying the sign. I was embarrassed about it - it had too many flaws. But he persisted. I had made it for her, and he thought it was the perfect touch, flaws and all.

And so it was there. At the cemetery. Right under the beautiful blanket, leaning against the casket.

A few months later one of my friends made a comment to me about the sign. I remember cringing for a minute, remembering that I was embarrassed of what it looked like. But she got teary as she expressed to me how much she appreciated that statement. She has 3 daughters herself, and told me what an impression that little wooden and vinyl sign had on her that October day. She said that every girl should have a reminder like that.

Last week I was moving out some of Tanner's too-small clothes and at the bottom of the 3rd drawer in the dresser was that little sign. I honestly don't know why I put it away in a drawer - I have a sweet daughter who would surely benefit from having that up in her room right now. Who cares if the letters aren't perfectly straight? What better message could she read every single day? After all, don't we all have flaws and imperfections? Ever since I saw that sign in there (and it's still in there, I admit it), I've been thinking about the importance of those words. I work with the teenage girls at church. Sometimes I wonder if they know how loved and how special they are. If they could always truly feel and know they were daughters of God, I am certain they would be even more magnificent.

I plan to hang the sign somewhere soon. Somewhere in Emma's room. Where it belongs.