Saturday, July 31, 2010


I'm not a natural at this baby stuff. It takes me a few weeks to figure things out after having a baby. It took me until THIS baby to really "get" the swaddling thing. Emma never needed it (she was such a good, content baby), and Tyler was a belly sleeper. Then there's Tanner. I tried swaddling him a few times with some really big blankets. But the kid LOVES his hands. In fact, he was born with his hands next to his face, holding on to the umbilical cord. And he loves to touch his face and even hold his pacifier in with his hand. So...he can get out of all blanket swaddling, and could even in the hospital.

My wonderful sister in law (she must be psychic) sent me this "Swaddle Me" blanket sleeper. Spencer lovingly refers to it as Tanner's straightjacket. It has strong velcro in 3 places that keeps his hands in and keeps him from waking himself up with his hands.

The only problem is when he pees through his clothes, gets it wet during the night, and then I am left wondering what to do at 2 a.m. Maybe I need to buy a back-up.

Our "helpers" have all left and we're back to doing this parenting thing by ourselves. How grateful I am for parents and in-laws who took the time to come out and take care of me and the kids!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

the evolution of me + tanner


I'm glad I documented this pregnancy well because it was probably my last. I get teary whenever I think that, but with the things my body went through my doctor thinks we should be done. Part of me - a very small part - misses having him inside me and having that bond that only the two of us could experience.

Anyway, I am loving that this handsome little guy is now a week old. It's been an interesting week. I never really "got" the whole newborns just sleep and eat thing - Emma and Tyler were awake a lot and had to be entertained from the beginning. Tanner is showing me that he can be a real newborn, sleepy and all. He is so darling and we consider it a treat when we get to see him with his eyes open. I'm soaking up this newborn thing, because I don't want to forget just how precious this time is.

I feel so privileged that I got another chance to be a mother, and I'm so grateful to Spencer for being so full of faith. He had to give me lots of blessings throughout this pregnancy and always promised me that this baby would be ok. It sure was a rollercoaster ride and I consider myself the luckiest girl around right now. (I am also lucky because I've had my mom here this week - there is nothing quite like having your mom there when you need her...too bad the week is almost over.)

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Well, "baby week" turned out to be a little more dramatic than anticipated, starting with a failed amnio (two, actually) throwing a c-section in there and a heck of a lot of scar tissue (resulting in a ruptured bladder), and ending with me being the not-so-proud owner of a catheter bag that is basically attached to me for another week.

BUT, there is a new man in my life and I am completely smitten. He was finally born on Thursday, July 15th at 7 lbs 5 oz. There was a split second in the operating room when Spencer and I heard him cry and we shared a quick glance that I know expressed some incredible relief, as well as a tear or two, before he was swept off to be cleaned up. I wonder what those last final minutes were like for him before he was born. I know they were emotional for me. I know he's been well taken care of.

He is so sweet, loves to be held, and reminds me a lot of his older brother. The kids adore him, and I finally made it home from the hospital today so we are all together again. There is something so special in the home when there's a new baby. I don't think much can come closer to heaven.

I hope I can recover quickly, because it's summer and I have stuff I want to do! For now, I'm off to hold this little guy some more.

Friday, July 9, 2010

oh yeah

Recently, a friend told me that she thinks how we are when we're pregnant is how we'll be when we're old. I have thought a lot about this, and I have mixed feelings about this theory. If when I'm old I can feel how I felt with my first three pregnancies, I'll take it. If I have to feel how I've felt this time, no thank you.

Before we lost Macie I had put together a blog post (and thank goodness never published it) on the things I would NOT miss about being pregnant. It was deleted soon after, but I'm pretty sure it included something about my crazy appetite, having swollen feet, getting lots of stares, getting lots of comments on how big/small I am, etc.

Funny enough, for the 15 months after that, I would have given my left arm for any and all of those things again.

And now, I am back to the "oh yeah..." stage where it starts to get a little old. Maybe I'm just getting "old" but I've definitely found more to whine about this time. However, this baby's movements are someting I am thankful for every single day. Those I don't complain about. Spencer is constantly asking me if I've felt him move lately, so I'm always grabbing his hand to put on my belly so HE can feel a snippet of what I'm feeling. As much as all the testing and ultrasounds are getting a little old, I love hearing how big he is, seeing where exactly his body is inside of mine. I love knowing that the movements on my right side are his feet and hands, and the movements on my left side are his bum and sometimes his hands and knees. My twice-weekly non-stress tests at the hospital reassure me that everything can actually be ok this time. I love lying there, listening to his heartbeat on the monitor. I keep the TV off and enjoy the peace and quiet. His movements (inside of me) I will miss.

Oh, but since I'm keeping it real there are still so many things I am happy to be relieved of:
*Having a hard time bending over, or getting up from sitting on the floor.
*How it's hard to give myself a pedicure.
*Being ravenous all the time, especially at night. (Luckily, this ends for me the second that baby is out.)
*Being sore.
*Using the restroom about 3 times as much as usual.
*Telling my kids I'm too tired/it's too hot to go to the park.
*Having to pay such close attention to movement, and worrying constantly about this baby. The stress is a lot more than I thought it would be.
*Gaining a lot of weight (luckily it hasn't been hard to get rid of yet but who knows, this IS my 4th...)
*Having red, itchy, dry eyes (weird side effect for me).

So, this week I bought a new swimsuit (NON maternity; I am excited to wear it!).

The kids made a countdown chain to their little brother's birth.

All the clothes are washed and put away. I have WAY more girl clothes than boy clothes, by the way...

But, the bedrooms are NOT ready. In fact, there are 3 or 4 dolls sleeping in the crib. I haven't had the heart to evict them yet. I guess I don't need to.

I hope we can figure out a name for this guy.

And, I hope I remember how to diaper a baby.